Feelings I Had When I Picked Up A Girl

Wonder if I want her or if I just want to be her. She was really tiny and had amazing boobs (do I have to call them breasts to sound respectful?). Like, honestly, 98th percentile. But maybe I am just envious and/ or appreciate that as some kind of ‘art form,’ I don’t really know.

Wonder if this makes me ‘bisexual.’ This is not the first girl I’ve hooked up with but it seems like I don’t really have any interest in them before, during, and after–I just feel sort of curious/restless/[….] and boom, it happens. Seems like it makes the most sense to continue to identify as straight but wonder if I can, cuz like 15% of my total sexual partners have been female.

Wonder why she left her chewed gum on my coffee table.Gross.

Wonder if I should seriously consider dating a girl. She was full of compliments and the hook up was about me. I can’t think of one man I have dated who I could say both things about.

Wonder why I find (some) girls extremely sexually attractive but feel sort of repulsed by the idea of hooking up with one. Feel bad cuz it makes me feel implicitly homophobic or like I think lesbians are gross, which I don’t. Feel like this probably just correlates with point one, that I appreciate their beauty and sensuousness but I’m not really sexually attracted to them.

Wonder if she actually is a lesbian. Seems like I remember her saying something about being straight or having a recent ex-boyfriend or something. Wonder if this was just disgruntled straight girl on disgruntled straight girl.

Wonder how in the hell to do stuff to a girl. Seems like worrying about sexually satisfying/ impressing a guy is hard enough and I’ve been at it for almost a decade. Don’t really need the added stress. TC mark

image – ©iStockphoto.com/Lóránd Gelner

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    I’m the girl.  You did a great job and no I’m not a “lesbian” either.  I don’t label myself.

    • http://kumquatparadise.tumblr.com aaron nicholas

      it’s good to have that closure, i’m happy for both of you

  • Hunter

    This was good. I know that wasn’t eloquent or anything. but I enjoyed it.

  • Puddles

     If you’re sexually attracted to someone, sex them (consensually). But if you’re not emotionally attracted to them, you have to be clear about that. If you identify as straight because you’ve never been emotionally attracted to a woman, you have to be up front about that (and not just upfront about it with yourself/with the girl, with your friends as well). Hooking up with women is fine/fun/awesome as long as you are clear about your intentions and don’t lead anyone on (just as it would be if you were hooking up with a guy). 
    Though brief, I think this article is good and covers all the bases of “straight” girl-hooking-up-with-another-girl. Also brings in to question our whole system of sexual identities. cool

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    “cuz”?

    This has been published more than once?

    What?

  • Robyn

    REALLY? Why the hell is this on here? There is no substance to this; this reads as if it should be in Cosmo.

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    I get these thoughts, too.  I say you just roll with it honey.

  • Confused

    This sounds like my mind every time I meet a new girl.  I can’t even be friends with them cause i get all these crazy thoughts.  Am I somewhat of a lesbian? Maybe bi? I have no idea. Thanks for the article. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.pappalardo Sarah Pappalardo

      I don’t blame straight women for doing this. I just know that I could not let myself ever deal with one.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Seems like an open and shut case of frustrated straight females trying to figure out if a walk on “the other side” would be the answer to all life’s questions. Looks like it’s back to the (previous) grind. *pause*

  • asuka

    I hate you. You aren’t supposed to treat other people’s sexuality as your own personal experiment. If you “identify as straight,” stop picking up women and then writing about them on websites. “Cuz,” uh, one of these days you’re going to hook up with someone who thinks you actually like her and learning about your “implicit” homophobia is probably really gonna piss her off. 

    • Mage

      IMHO pretty much all sex is a personal experiment.

    • getoverit

      wouldn’t it be just as bad if she were a straight girl hooking up with a straight guy she found hot without having an emotional attachment?  there’s nothing wrong with that as long as she’s not leading them on (which it seems she wasn’t). she’s also not homophobic. you can identify as straight and hook up with chicks and not be sure how you feel about. just like can identify as gay and hook up with dudes and not be sure how you feel about it. uncertainty is not homophobia. similarly there’s nothing wrong with an honest lack of emotional attachment during a sexual encounter.

  • Sorryforpartyrocking

    I’m just sexually frustrated right now that I sometimes I hooked up with girls and then write something about it, well, DUH.

  • Mage

    You might never know the answers to your questions. I think it is probably best, for awhile, to stop asking yourself and just enjoy while you communicate that you’re still learning about yourself. People will respect that, because no one is born knowing what they like.

    Though I do think that writing about your questions was a cool move. It’s brave to publicly talk about not knowing and sexual discovery.

  • patrick oh

    hard to resist a hot young woman, no matter your ‘orientation’

  • sure

    As a woman who has hot hook ups with chicks all the time and no feelings of ambivalence, I’m tempted to say you’re doing it wrong.  But I think it just might be easier not to be in the middle of the Kinsey scale.

  • Mia

    Like honestly, 98th percentile breasts.

  • guestface killah

    well, if a guy was full of compliments and made the hook up all about you, he’d suddenly seem quite a bit less attractive wouldn’t he

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

      no, not really, depends on the compliments and the tone with which they are given

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

      what? this is weird. I don’t think I quite understand. Why does she also say that the “hook up was about me”? Isn’t it usually about both people involved?

  • Stranger

    Terrible article. You don’t deserve her tits, her attention or to be published on here.

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