Time heals all wounds, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. When I first heard that, I thought that time would eventually yes heal all wounds, and that I wouldn’t feel the way that I am feeling now. I am going to start by stating that love is the most complicated thing ever. Why do we fall in love if we aren’t sure that it truly exists? What exactly is love, and can we answer that cheesy question of what the difference between love and being in love is?
I was in love, only once, to only one person, and now we aren’t together anymore. But you know what sucks? We broke up over a year ago, and I was heartbroken, but I am still feeling the same way now more than ever. If you’re feeling the same way or if you have felt this way, please continue reading.
If you’re currently in love with someone and are truly happy with that person, then I encourage you to keep reading in order for you to understand how things can potentially turn out if you and this person aren’t together anymore.
Why did we break up you might ask? I don’t want to put all the blame on this person, but this person just started to abandon the relationship. There is actually one specific reason, actually there is a specific person that I can say played a hand in this, but let us save that for another article. But this person did not want to put any more effort into the relationship. The person didn’t want to go on any vacations with me, didn’t want go out with my friends, didn’t want me to interact with the person’s friends, and basically just didn’t want to venture out into any adventure with me period.
This person didn’t want to think about the future, our future, and that was the biggest difference between us. I put my whole heart into the relationship. I invested everything that I had, everything that was me. My time, my money, my attention, my love, my everything was invested into this person. This person essentially became a part of me, and this was the complete opposite that the person did.
I started to notice this a year after the relationship had started, but I thought that there was hope. I thought that things would change for the better and that this person would put a little more heart into the relationship. I was wrong. Things just got worse and worse, and I aware of it but blind to it at the same time. I knew that I was losing this person, and that we were losing each other. But I was in love, nothing else mattered to me, and I didn’t want to think that we could end.
I fell in love with this person right when I was in college, I was so young and naïve and I never thought that I could fall out of love, and that my relationship would fail. Day after day, week after week, month after month, things were falling apart, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t put things back together. So we broke up.
We aren’t together anymore, and a year later has passed and I am still feeling the same pain that I have felt a year earlier. I have tried everything I could to move on, to not think about the person or the relationship any longer, but let me say that I obviously have not had much success in that. When I start to think about the person and when I see the person through social media, the person seems to have moved on completely and I have to assume that this person doesn’t feel anything about me or the relationship anymore.
I am incapable of loving someone; I just can’t love anyone anymore.
This person goes out weekly, especially more now that it’s the summer, and this person has definitely gone out and hooked up with people and go on dates. We have been broken up for a year, so does that mean I haven’t tried to find someone else? Absolutely not, I have hooked up with people at bars and clubs and have tried to go on dates, and sometimes I have exchanged numbers with people, but it is just not the same. I compare everything to this person, whether it’s the kiss, the dinner date, or the smile, nothing compares to my ex. I
am trying so hard to find the feeling of happiness and love that I felt from my relationship, but it’s gone, and that feeling seems like it will never come back. I don’t know what to do anymore.
So there it is, there is a part of my story, but this is how I am feeling now. I miss this person, but I miss how this person used to be, not what this person is now. There is a big part of me, 99% of me, that wants to be back with this person, however the remaining percent of me knows that even if we did end up back together, this person won’t be able to give me the love that I want. Back to my original question where I asked, why do we fall in love if we aren’t sure that it truly exists? Love does exist, I felt it, and I found my true love, but that true love is now gone forever.