How To Be A Community College Student

Flickr / Josh McAllister
Flickr / Josh McAllister

Feel bad about yourself. Feel like whatever you did, you did it wrong. Feel like whatever you do or are currently doing, you are doing it wrong. Since most of your friends are probably attending what they refer to as “real colleges,” you are left to hang out with high-school kids and people you only vaguely know but now have an unbreakable bond of self pity and confusion with, because they too attend community college. It is still September and the weather is still nice. Sit in playgrounds at night with your high school friends and listen to them complain about girls and the lack thereof. They will also pity themselves for still being in high school. Try to score some compliment or emotional reassurance at this point by pointing out how fucked you are. Say “What the fuck am I doing? I’m in fucking community college.” They will pounce on this chance and reassure you how much better you are than them.

Be in the library at school waiting to go to class. Feel gassy and greasy. Worry about your complexion. Look around at the people in the library and become incredibly judgmental. Keep thinking to yourself “Am I that ugly?” Never find the answer out. Sit on Facebook and talk to your friends who are off at school. Ask them how they are. When they complain about how many bros they have to deal with respond with, “hahaha.” When they brag about how often they sleep in past class respond with, “hahaha.” When they ask what you spend your time doing send them a link to something unrelated. Spend a lot of your time looking at nothing on the Internet. Spend some time looking at your blog. Spend more time looking at other people’s blogs. Think about how unfair the world is. Think about how you are not famous. Remember that you are not good. Remember that those who are not good do not deserve to become famous. Think “I wouldn’t mind being Snooki.” Feel very bad about that thought. Try to not to focus when someone across the table from you is talking about ‘Gucci Sneakers’ and ‘staying fresh’. When you notice him looking at you look away. Pretend like you didn’t hear him call you Peter Parker. Realize you’re a loser. It’s alright. Sometimes stuff is alright.

Become obsessed with using Google to search for silly pictures. Spend twenty minutes looking at pictures of Rick Ross on Google. Spend twenty minutes looking at pictures of Kanye West on Google. Post some of these pictures to your blog and wait for people to respond. It’s alright when nobody responds. Don’t take it too hard. Just sit in your computer chair with headphones on. Listen to Flipper and Defiance Ohio and Rick Ross and Andrew Jackson Jihad and Kanye West. Do this over and over again. Never get tired of it. Feel secure. Feel safe. Feel content.

Get assigned a three-page paper in English class and feel pressure behind your eyes. Sit at home with nothing to do. If someone calls you to do something say you have homework. Look at your laptop. Turn on MTV Jams. Imagine you are living a life better than the one you actually are living. Think about it hard. It seems just as stressful. Stay up later than you should have and write a paper you know is awful. Hand in the paper and get a B. Be in your algebra class and think about how you took it, that math class, in eighth grade. Look around you. Notice that almost all of your fellow students are older than you. Most seem to be nurses. Some took six year breaks from high school and are just now coming back to school. One guy is fresh out of the Army. Notice that the kids your age never come to class. Get worried about something. Don’t ever find out what you’re worried about. Get an A in the class. Do well in school, but feel bad about it. Be confused and scared and alone. Feel angry at whatever is making you come to school. Complain to your dad till he mentions looking for work. Go back to your room. Lay in your bed. Turn on MTV Jams.

Christmas break comes. You can kiss your girlfriend. You can get drunk with your friends. You get things from your family and they like the burned CD’s you gave them. Smile a whole lot more. Think about the semester that just passed. Realize that your feelings of worthlessness, your feelings of confusion or of being lost, your lack of focus, your lack of feelings, etc. were all kind of justified in a self-serving way but ultimately not that big of a deal. Think about how much more comfortable your bed is than the bed your girlfriend has in college. Think about how good your mom’s cooking is. Think about standing outside of local diners with new friends smoking cigarettes and laughing. These are all good things. They are all satisfying. Think about how this is your life. Deal with that. Feel confident. Feel content. Hug your friends more. Dream big. Feel good till the spring semester starts. TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • Gucci Mane

    I'm not in community college, but fuck this speaks to me

    • JoeyMartin

      bro that's sweet

  • Iiibbb313

    Go to community college for 2 years. Take perfectly acceptable college level courses that aren't taught by a TA and don't consist of 200 students in an auditorium. Kick ass. Get a scholarship to a “real” school. Kick more ass. Get a job. Have the same life as any other college graduate and have fewer student loans… because face it… the first couple of years at a “real” school isn't that much different than community college… and some could argue worse..

  • http://twitter.com/billApomerans Bill A Pomerans

    yeah, really liked this…….

    “Feel bad about yourself. Feel like whatever you did, you did it wrong. Feel like whatever you do or are currently doing, you are doing it wrong.”

  • Cackles

    You forgot to mention dealing with the college staff composed of other current and on-indefinite-hiatus students who don't actually want to work and hate you for needing their services.

    Yes, I speak from experience. The staffer's experience. community college makes soulless, bitter, hateful fucks of us all.

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/writings/the-last-acid-trip-damned-by-god-by-brian-mcelmurry/ Brian McElmurry

    Cool piece! I related to the 8th grade algebra part. Stay in school.

  • Ben

    community college is like a cheat code for life. i mean you pay thousands of dollars for the same classes at a university. you can finish your first two years there and start at a “real college” as a junior.

    despite all of this… there is no other place that rubs it in my face that i am just part of the masses, living the life that was set up for me, and not really striving towards anything great or unique.. community college just doesn't feel inspiring. but idk, neither do shopping malls or something

    • JoeyMartin

      idk man hating on shopping mall as a whole seems like hyperbolic or something

  • Weird Kid

    I have to get out of community college – _ –

    • JoeyMartin

      cheer up bro

  • mario

    “Spend twenty minutes looking at pictures of Rick Ross on Google. Spend twenty minutes looking at pictures of Kanye West on Google. Post some of these pictures to your blog and wait for people to respond. It’s alright when nobody responds. Don’t take it too hard. Just sit in your computer chair with headphones on. Listen to Flipper and Defiance Ohio and Rick Ross and Andrew Jackson Jihad and Kanye West.”

    I related to this part a lot, like to the point that it seems not real maybe.

    • JoeyMartin

      sweet

    • hargoue

      Isn't life a blast? It's just like…living in the past.

  • Andy

    damn i went to ' real college' and i had fun but i got severely depressed and flunked all my classes. i lost my financial aid. so now i have to attend community college. reading this article makes me think community college is more depressing than ' real college' . life seems very bleak.

  • http://myheartsaysthankyou.tumblr.com/ boyslikeus

    Bro, I'm going to community college this year and I also google pictures of Kayne West but it's because I'm gay and I like to look at that nude picture he took of himself and I was just thinking recently how rare it is for a male celebrity to be nude and to be super hot. This happens very rarely so I am just writing this and showing my appreciation for Kayne West and his nude picture. Thank You Kayne West!!

    P.S.

    Can someone at Thought Catalog write “How to be a gay-virgin-uneducated-young-adult”

  • al

    “hahaha.”

  • 2ci

    Best article I've read on here in a long time. So true. Community college student here.

  • max

    bro this is sweet

  • http://twitter.com/itchypeach etsena

    idk i dont get a's lol..

  • ame-onna

    CCP?

  • Thebadass12

    Wow, I was ALREADY depressed, you just made it a lot worse.
    lol, dream big, feel good…. TIL THE SPRING SEMESTER STARTS!
    haha what a prick

  • vv

    So depressing …

blog comments powered by Disqus