1. The Social Butterflies
These are the people who everyone loves, and welcomes into their clique. When you first get to know them, you’re certain that you’ll be friends with them FOREVER and that they’ll be the one you invite to your children’s baptism.
They will attend every meet up they are invited to, and are the life of the party, making everyone laugh and feel like they’re back at their grandparents’ for the holidays again.
And before you know it.. BAM, they’re gone.
It could be 2 weeks or 2 months. But once they’ve found a new group of friends, they will dump your sorry ass and leave you feeling like you’ve just been cheated on, whilst they spread their infectious humor to another group of people who will be let down similarly when they’ve lost their novelty.
2. The Fun Friend
These people are the ones who come and go the most: the one you meet at wild parties and have hot make-out sessions with before they disappear into the dark of the night… Up till the next party, that is.
These people are the ones who offer you your first cigarette, introduce you to the different types of alcohol, and indulge you in all sorts of (horror) sex stories you never imagined would happen to people. You get crazy with them, and learn about the alternative lifestyle and everything you never thought went on in this world.
But comes a point in your life where you’ve decided that it’s time to stop dwindling your nights away in the embrace of strange men and drowning yourself in alcohol and loud music. That’s when these friends simultaneously disappear from your life. Soon enough, they will stop asking you out on Friday nights, knowing that your answer will be the same resolute “no.”
Before you know it, the next Friday night you’re casually scrolling through your Instagram newsfeed whilst taking an interval from watching your favourite movie and eating ice cream, you’ll see the oh-so familiar nightclub photo of them and their new “best bud”, “partying hard on a Friday night! Xoxo”
3. The Constants
These are the people who have been in your life for as long as you can remember, and you can’t even remember when they weren’t on your speed dial.
You may not see them very often, or even text/call at all, but you know that when it’s 3A.M and your pet dog has just died, they will be the ones who will be there in no time- to provide a shoulder to lean on and ice cream to you. Of course, whilst you pore through photo albums of Mr. Puffles and have snot dribbling down your shirt.
4. The Mother
These friends are similar to the “constants” except that you never really were close to them. No one never really was, as far as you can remember. They’re the cheerful, happy-go-lucky people you see in sitcoms that everybody loves and wants to be friends with. They’d never reject helping a friend in need, no matter how ridiculous the request, and they’d always have the right advice to dish out and the right things to say. However, when anyone asks if they’re okay, or if they have anything to talk about, they’d always reject this and deny any faults in their lives, choosing to go back to listening to you instead.
Sadly, these people are gone once you feel like you have your life together. It seems that no matter how hard you try to talk to them when you’re blissful, your only common topic would be your problems, your problems, and wait… oh yeah, your problems. Without your issues, all that’s left is an empty “hi, bye” and obligatory “how are you?”
Just like a mother who is always there through the bad times, and hardly appreciated during the good.
5. The Overly-Sensitive
Remember that one time you made a passing comment on how person A was behaving? Yeah that was mean and you should be sent to bootcamp for making that statement!
Or that one time you told them that you didn’t fancy the color of the shirt? That’s probably equivalent to “I hate you and your entire family”, well to them at least.
Anything you say and have ever said or done will most definitely be held against you and you feel like you’re treading on thin ice around them, making sure you sound like mary poppins in a field of daisies and lilies.
These people are the ones you have to watch your words around, and can never subconsciously be yourself around, because the moment you say something that triggers off their emotions, it’s good luck to you, maybe time to crawl back into your hole and reflect on how bad a person you really are. Before you realize that in this case, it’s not you. It’s them.
6. The I-Need-Your-Help
Everyone definitely knows these people. The ones who are only there when they’ve met a crisis or need financial help from someone. The ones who never seem to have a cigarette, money for their lunch, or even worse, a job. The moment you see their names on your phone, you know that there’s no good that’s going to come from this.
They’ll probably start with a harmless (and completely uninterested) question about how your life is going and what you’re doing with it, before completely disregarding your answer and turning your attention back to their situation.
Once you’re done helping them, they’re gone again with the wind, and you never hear from them until the next time they’ve landed themselves in jail and need someone to bail them out.
And yet, no matter how many times you try to end the friendship with these people, you know that if they ever come back with a crying emoji face on text message, you will still begrudgingly drag your feet to go and help them and wonder if this is earning you brownie points in life at all.
7. The Weirdos (Borderline Psychotic)
Lastly, the borderline psychopathic friend that we all have. I’m pretty sure one of these people in your life is enough to drive you crazy and yet provide you with entertainment/terror for a long time.
These people say the weirdest things at the weirdest times, and make statements that no one knows the appropriate responses to. They make semi-sadistic comments that you feebly chuckle at, because you can’t tell if they’re trying to be funny, or if the dead look in their eyes mean that they would really attempt to commit this act of insanity.
These are the friends who make the craziest girlfriends, and when they gleefully tell you how they scratched their ex-boyfriends’ cars, or spray painted the front of his gate, or even go to his house to tell off his current girlfriend, you’re not sure what to say, in fear of incurring their wrath.
You talk about them to your other friends, and it always ends with the same few lines: “I don’t know why we’re still friends with her”, “She needs help”, and “I guess we just accept our friends for who they are.”