I don’t think you’ve realized what you’ve done. I don’t know how someone allows a man with a girlfriend to openly flirt with them. I don’t know how you took in the guilt of knowing that I existed in his life yet you didn’t think twice about all the things you did.
You don’t know how many times I practiced what I wanted to say to you. You don’t know how many times I’ve imagined going up to you and slapping you in front of all your friends. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished you hadn’t existed.
You don’t know how many times I beat myself up, actually blaming myself for all of this. You made me doubt myself. You made me feel so insecure and unworthy of love. You damaged my ability to ever fully trust someone again and you have no idea how hard that is for me and everyone who has nothing but good intentions towards me.
How could you have done this to me when you were perfectly aware of our relationship. I have so many questions I have been dying to ask you – questions I’m afraid to know the answers to.
I don’t know how you could live with yourself after all of this. I don’t know how you manage to live your life and be completely happy knowing you ruined something that meant the world to me and taking away someone who I loved so much.
But, then again, you probably didn’t consider me. I probably never crossed your mind whenever you thought of the things you’d talk about with him. I probably never existed when the two of you were together. Maybe it hadn’t occurred to you that while you two were exchanging sweet words and flirting, I was staring at my phone, waiting for a reply that would never come because he was with you.
He never lied to me about where he was and who he was with. He never forgot to update me. He would never talk to a girl I was uncomfortable with without telling me. He never missed a call. He would always take every opportunity to see me and spend time with me. But, it all changed when you barged into his life – our lives.
Maybe I was just blind not to see that our relationship was slowly failing. Maybe I was naive enough to see that he was catching feelings for someone else. Maybe I wasn’t enough that he had to let you enter his life. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe it was all my fault all along.
But, whether it was my fault or not, you absolutely had to right to step into our relationship. It was only supposed to be me and him. There were only supposed to be the two of us. I was only supposed to be the one to make him happy, not you. I was only supposed to be the one he shared his day with, not you.
But you know one thing I am damn sure of? You can never love him the way I do. You can never have him the way I had him.
You can never fully experience him. You can never truly know him the way I do. His weekend routine, his specific way of making me put him to sleep, his little flaws and the silly moments we have. You can never replace what we have and I am sure of it.
From the bottom of my heart, I truly and sincerely wish you would never experience what I went through. The sleepless nights, the puffy eyes in the morning, the anxiety and worry of never being good enough for anyone and the fear of being replaceable.
No one in this world deserves to have their love taken away from them by someone who is careless enough to have a guy cheat on his girlfriend. Not even you.
No one deserves to have their thoughts, their insecurities and their fears take over them. No one deserves to sleep with the heaviest heart and think that there is no hope for the world. No one deserves to wake up with the thought that they don’t deserve love because everyone deserves love. Even you.
So, with all that being said, I forgive you. No apologies needed, no confrontation and no commotion. I forgive you simply because I don’t want to have this heavy weight cling onto me for the rest of my life. I deserve to be happy and so do you.