For All Those Who Feel Young And Directionless

I know your life is probably  a mess right now. I know it probably seemed like a mess all along. Maybe you’re feeling small, insignificant or mediocre. Or maybe you’re stuck in a job that you are starting to loathe, but you need the money and the experience. Or you may be drowning in school doing something you absolutely have no interest in. And you have no idea what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.

I know it sucks that everybody else seems to be ahead of you, and you’re left running aimlessly on the hamster wheel, barely breathing.

I know you’re probably struggling to cope with the harsh realities of growing up and adulthood. I know the seemingly dull, mundane routine that you’re going through everyday. I know the part of you that dies when someone asks about your grades or which college you went to – and then proceeds to judge you and your capabilities based on that. I know that haunting feeling of not being able to measure up to your peers.

I know you probably feel really, really lonely.

I know there are many things you’re blaming yourself for. I know deep down you believe there must be something wrong with you, and you think that is the reason you’re still as lonely as ever. You think it’s been a recurring pattern all throughout your life, and something you’ve gotten used to.

I know there are many people whom you treasure so much and would do anything for – but somehow you seem to be not-as-important to them as they are to you. I know you’ve given and loved without expectations, but you just cannot deny the pain and disappointment you felt when you really needed somebody and they’re not there. I know you’re trying really hard to numb yourself and avoid this whole notion of feelings because the pain always seems to exceed the joy.

I know ever since you got your heart broken you’ve built up walls.

You are afraid to love. You told yourself you probably never will, and that you probably think no one will fall for you anyway. I know the fear when you recall the times people have left you broken just like that. You may have recovered and grew stronger, but you were never the same.

I know the countless number of nights when your heart uncontrollably aches just before you fall asleep, and all those memories start to haunt you. I know you’ve probably lost count of the number of times you punched the wall, slapped your head or broken down before you finally drift away into sleep… sometimes secretly hoping you’ll never wake up.

I know life has been a daily struggle.

I know you have been struggling to keep yourself together – to be there for people while hoping that someone is there for you; to put up a strong front while mending your inner wounds; and to be yourself whilst trying to live up to the expectations of everyone else. I know you’ve been bottling things up and keeping things to yourself because you didn’t want to seem like a whiney person bringing burden to everyone else. And you’ve held back your tears because they say grown-ups don’t cry. Or so you think.

I know all of the above is non-exhaustive – you’ve probably gone through much more and will no doubt go through even more.

But I also know something else. I know all these will pass.

I know you – yes you, are going to get through all of these, and you’re only going to get stronger. I know that in a year’s time, when you read this again, you will be in a better place, and end up a better person. I know it may be slow, it may be painful, it may seem impossible, but you will learn to pick up the pieces and fix your life again. I know you may feel like a useless, underachieving kid now, but when you read this again you will be living life as a strong, fruitful and awesome person.

I know things will get better. I know God is there. I know you will pick yourself up because that is who you are. You are a soldier, you are a warrior, and you are undefeatable. You may be shot, you may be struggling, you may be wounded, but you will keep going. Because I know you are stronger than you think, and you are capable of achieving more than you could ever imagine.

I know eventually you will come to realise that everything that you have been through is for a purpose, and that nothing in life – be it good or bad, bitter or sweet, pain or joy, is ever wasted.

I know you will find your purpose in life and realise that you are a uniquely significant being of this world. Because there can’t be another you.

I know that no matter how lonely you may feel, there are people out there who love you for who you are. And you’re only going to meet more of these people.

I know you can and you will make it.

I know you will continue to give and to love regardless of the risk of getting hurt and disappointed. Because you know that eventually, the joy of love and giving outweighs them all.

I know you will learn to sing and dance in the rain. I know you will not only make lemonade out of lemon, but also lemon puffs and cheesecake and ice cream. I know you will slowly, but surely, realise all the amazing things that makes you awesome and beautiful just the way you are.

I know one day you will realise that you are enough.

And I know that when you read this again – a year, 5 years or 10 years from now, you’ll be smiling and thinking, “I’m glad I went through all that crap.”