This Terrifying Reason Is How I Learned To Stay The Hell Away From OKCupid

Those who’ve read my previous stories know that I’m not normally one to shy away from occasional narcotic experimentation. I’m just not a fan of taking something without knowing what it is, especially when that “something” was a hallucinogen as infamous as DXM. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you: Surprise-tripping is the worst.

“Fun, right?”

Alabama was smiling as she said this and her blue eyes twinkled in the early morning sunlight, making her look exceptionally beautiful. She let go of the sheet she was holding against her chest, exposing two very perky breasts as Alabama started to do a sexy crawl across the bed.

I had another flashback of her demonic double pouncing on me last night. Drug-fueled hallucination or no, the memory alone was enough to make me take a step back as she reached my side of the bed.

“You okay?” Alabama asked, tilting her head in concern.

“Yeah… yes, it’s just…” I glanced at my alarm clock and gave Alabama the most apologetic look I could muster as I said, “I’m running super late.”

“Late for what? I thought you didn’t have work today.”

“I don’t. I… am late for practice.”

“Practice?”

“Baseball practice. I coach my nephew’s little league team at that playground over by the lake… Lakeshore Playground?” I said and then threw another seemingly worried glance at the clock for good measure.

“Oh. That’s so sweet. I used to be quite the cheerleader in high school. If you want, I can tag along and help you psyche up the team with my professional pep stylings. You know…” Alabama stood on her knees and started to clap in rhythm as she quietly sang, “That pitch was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S…”

I forced out a polite chuckle and quickly scanned my brain for a proper follow-up excuse. “And I would love to see that but this is kind of an important practice. Big game tomorrow and I’m worried the boys will have trouble focusing. Maybe next time for sure, though.”

“Understandable. As you know, my sexiness can be quite the distraction,” Alabama said as she reached out and placed a hand on my flaccid penis.

I smiled down at her and casually turned to grab a pair of jeans out of my dresser while peeling my junk away from Alabama’s cold palm as tactfully as possible. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but my macabre memories of the night before were still coming back in fractured bits and pieces and I was worried that if I didn’t get away from this girl soon, I was going to lose it.

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