I have found that most mainstream dating advice is either dated, patronizing, or just plain wrong.
Here are 10 commonly issued pieces of dating advice that you should ignore at all costs.
1. Make an effort.
Please do wash. And dress well. But at this stage of the dating game, it’s unnecessary to be putting in too much effort beyond that. A couple of drinks in a bar or a stroll in the park will still be fun if you’re a fun person—and casual dates such as these take the pressure off both of you.
2. Just be yourself.
This is great advice for a sociable, well-adjusted guy. But if you’re one of those shy, nervous introverts who still lives in his mom’s basement, it’s horrible, horrible advice. You need to be fun, entertaining, and confident. If that’s not you, then fake it until you make it.
3. Take her for a romantic meal.
This idea hurts your chances of securing a second date as much as it hurts your wallet. It’s too formal and too high-pressure. You’re stuck in a seat with nothing to stare at except the other person chewing on food. Worst of all, there aren’t many girls who will be up for sex on a full, bloated stomach.
4. Play hard to get.
Some guys might play hard to get on a first date to avoid looking needy. What’s more attractive is having the confidence to look the chick in the eyes and tell her without flinching that you like her. Maintain that eye contact, perhaps with a cheeky grin, and she’ll feel butterflies in her stomach.
5. Treat her like a princess.
Too many blokes are “yes men” on first dates, agreeing with everything a girl says. It’s arousing for women to experience a range of emotions, so don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if you disagree with something she says or does. Create a bit of tension. Challenge her. It will remind her that she has to win you over, too.
6. Nice guys finish last.
This cliché is used to comment on the failings of the “yes men” described the in the previous tip. These types don’t provide the thrill of a chase. They’re too predictable. But that doesn’t mean you should be an asshole just for the sake of being an asshole. Think of manners, compliments, and smiles as the foundations of any successful date.
7. A gentleman pays on the first date.
Some guys are more than happy to front the bill on a first date, but it might be doing them more harm than good. Unless she’s a prostitute, a girl might not be comfortable feeling like she’s being bought. And those who are comfortable with this may be less inclined to take a relationship to the next level. Why would she when she’s getting all these free treats at the level you’re on? Go Dutch.
8. The first kiss is a big deal.
This is actually true for a lot of women. Mess this up and it might be game over. But it won’t help to think like that. Don’t overthink. Most girls will expect a guy to go for the kiss on a first date, so don’t be a pussy. JUST GO FOR IT. Treat it like a regular part of the date and she’ll most likely do the same. If she backs away, laugh it off and carry on like nothing happened. You probably tried too soon. Keep charming her and try again later.
9. High-quality girls make you wait for sex.
News flash: Women like sex. Lots of them have one-night stands. But most need to feel comfortable and safe around a potential fuck buddy—as well as attracted to him—before they jump into bed. It’s tough to create these feelings in a few hours, but it is certainly possible. From there, you need to subtly create an opportunity for the no-pants dance. “Back to mine for a DVD” works as well as ever when said with at least a glimmer of sincerity.
10. Wait 24 hours after a date before texting her.
The “wait 24 hours” rule was invented to prevent people from appearing needy. But in an era where the majority of young adults live their lives through a smartphone, it has become so see-through. Don’t play these silly mind games. No one believes you’re too busy to send a text message that same day, so stop pretending. If you’re a cool guy, she’ll like you however quickly you text back.