What’s my biggest flaw? If you asked me this six years ago, I would’ve said that my biggest flaw was being too naive.
I mentioned six years ago because that’s when the devil knocked on my door disguised as an angel.
It didn’t take long to discover your drug addiction. The lying, the stealing, the relationships you broke between my family and my friends.
All I wanted was for you to see the person you were through my eyes. I wanted to save your life. Little did I know, the more I tried to save your life, the more you were destroying mine.
Every day, week by week, month by month, year by year I was deteriorating. My mental and physical health were no longer a priority. My priority turned into becoming the glue that held the walls together.
I saw the way everybody looked at me. With their judgmental eyes, saying “I told you so.” I felt alone, exactly how you wanted me.
After four years of fighting this battle, the debt soared to $30,000. That could have been the down payment to a house. But your plan was never to build with me.
Four and a half years in, your mask began to slip. That’s when I caught a glimpse of the devil. All those years while I was building brick by brick, you were taking brick by brick from the ground up and like any weak foundation, it eventually collapsed.
I’ll never forget the day you told me you were leaving me for her. I physically felt my soul break. Judging by the smile on your face, you heard it break and it must have made you feel powerful.
It didn’t matter that you left me for my cousin, it didn’t matter that you left me with the financial mess, the bills or the rent. What mattered was the condition you left my soul in, you made me think I somehow deserved it.
I lost my identity. Essentially I lost the “white picket fence” family I envisioned. But, rose-colored glasses are distorted.
I was numb…
I spent two years fighting for me, fighting for my mental and physical health. In my growth I found my purpose, I found “me”. Ironically, I needed to hate you to love myself again.
Every day is a battle to forgive myself. As for you, I’ll leave that to karma. You will get served what you deserve, you both will. It’s inevitable.
Today is November 3rd, we would have been celebrating our six-year anniversary. This is what pushed me to write this.
So what is my biggest flaw now? Letting go.
But it’s time to let go, it’s time to close this chapter.