I am a cynic. In fact, cynical is my favorite word – right next to masochist. The thought of love that lasts forever seems more unrealistic than anything.
We live in a world where it’s easier to get naked and have sex than it is to fall in love. In fact, sometimes I don’t think it’s actually possible to genuinely fall in love anymore. I was never taught how to love myself unconditionally or taught my own worth. I only recently discovered that I am more than just a big pair of boobs, which in itself is kind of sad.
I almost wish when I was younger someone smacked me and told me to stop being an idiot, but, whatever, can’t change the past. Being cynical is fine. It’s worked out for me for this long and at this point, I’m pretty sure it won’t ever change.
After all, having sex is easy. Falling in love is not. Falling out of love is even worse. It’s an endless cycle where we fall in love, get our heart broken, bounce back, and then start all over. Unless you give up entirely.
If I do decide to have kids one day, I hope they experience immense heartbreak. I want them to come home completely devastated, because some guy or girl shattered their heart. Then I want them to come back from that experience and love someone else again, even more than the person prior.
I respect women who can continuously fall for men time after time and continue to give love a chance. Emotions usually get swept under the rug, because we’re told that sex with people we don’t really care about is fine. There’s this idea that if you feel something for them, it’s your fault, because no feelings should’ve been attached. Shying away from emotions is almost expected at this point. We’ve spent so much time hiding from our emotions and feelings that we’re not even really sure what we feel anymore.
People go through phases while they’re growing up. It’s almost inevitable that at one point or another you’ll go through a “slut” phase, unless you married the first person you slept with, in which case, kudos to you.
Eventually, even the biggest ‘man-whore’ or ‘slut’ will find the person they want to be with and settle down and no one will see it coming. Of course, there’s also the people who don’t know how to give love a chance. They just keep having the same emotionless one-night stands over and over again, because it’s all they really know.
Having non-committal sexual relations is fine, but I want my kids to feel pain. I don’t want them to give up after their first or second failure. Giving up is easy and we can train ourselves to not give a fuck and have zero emotions.
To be able to continually try to find love without losing themselves is something I can only hope for. People will always get their hearts broken. It’s inevitable.
So hopefully, if I do have kids one day, they will get their hearts broken again and again, instead of just giving up on love completely.