I am not going to lie as if it doesn’t hurt – the years together were real and felt like we were something. But I guess time has a way of changing things and, us. Before you left, I always believed that the distance wasn’t going to be an issue and that our relationship will come back stronger. The months before you left felt so real and I was excited for you to be back even before you left. Not forgetting that this was not the first time being apart for months. Probably, not this time…
After a night of heart to heart talk, he has initiated that we go separate ways. Waking up the very next day didn’t felt right, in fact I felt a sense of emptiness. Many thoughts ran through my mind; the expectations people had for us and knowing that I can no longer run to you like how I used to – telling you about the littlest thing and significant milestones. The thought scares me and it feels as if a part of me was taken away. Getting through the day was much bearable, till it hits bedtime.
I reminded myself that the only person who could help me get through this was, myself. I started to replay back bits and pieces of our conversations, how much you believe that we have been trying to sugarcoat things to keep the relationship going, and that someone came along – you reminded me that, if the relationship was strong enough, no one could come between or even waver the relationship. I questioned and found myself looking back at timeline, trying to figure out where exactly went wrong. When did things started to go downhill?
Eventually, I started to rationalize that I should no longer try to figure out where went wrong. Having always believe that it was important to be honest with our thoughts, I guess it didn’t work for us. When you told me that you have not been honest with your feelings because you didn’t want to see me upset and feel bad about it, I knew this wouldn’t work out anymore.
I don’t want someone to be unsure about me and not being honest about his feelings or thoughts. I wasn’t going to keep someone who no longer wants to try or choose us, our relationship. At this point, I know it feels like there isn’t going to be someone out there and you start to question what’s good enough for the other half to love us and how you can learn to trust again.
The truth is, we will never know but I will still choose to take a leap of faith – slowly but surely. We need to understand that there’s no guarantee in love because each of us has flaws. We just need to find someone who is willing to accept our flaws. So, please don’t lose hope.