I Stayed Totally Single For 2 Years And This Is How My Life Changed

Tony Ciampa

How many times have you heard: “you should just get back out there and try again, otherwise, you may end up alone forever…”

Over the past two years, I have heard this more times than I can count.

And in a society that glamorizes conditional and controlling relationships, I decided to take the time to heal myself.

Healing is a current learning cycle that only pushes you deeper and deeper within yourself. The past two years of my life have been like the levels of a video game. The further you go in the game, the harder the levels and obstacles become but the greater the prize.

Here are the five most important things I’ve learned staying single for two years:

1. You know it’s a choice

Any relationship you choose to enter into is a free-will choice. I know you’re probably thinking: well, duh. But I want to delve further.

The relationship you have with yourself is also a choice.

Where love tends to go astray is when we believe that we don’t have a choice. I know so many people that feel guilty and stay in the relationship because of this guilt.

You can only ignore your needs for so long until the cracks start to creep in. The foundation, which is you, may not have been very solid to begin with so anything you built with that person could crumble to the ground.

2. You don’t need constant validation 

Did it take him/her three hours to text you back? Are you sitting there wondering if you did something wrong? These are all normal responses; when you have wounding.

In fact, once you are able to heal the underlying issue of why you need to be talking to your partner all the time, you can understand that texting really isn’t that big of a deal.

In fact, quality time spent together is even better than the response they may or may not have sent you.

Before, I used to over-analyze every situation in my head a thousand times. And then I realized why. I realized that I didn’t feel confident in myself or my ability to be captivating. I didn’t fully give myself the attention I needed.

Once I was able to see my worth and heal the underlying blocks I had to giving and receiving, text messages fell by the wayside. Now, I value true connection with myself and others (no technology needed.)

3. You like to have your own passions

I think we can all agree that there is nothing more boring than someone who isn’t passionate about something. Now, you don’t have to be attempting some incredible invention or feat to be considered interesting.

Investing time in yourself, being passionate about your well-being, is in and of itself a hobby. (In fact, I believe it should be your first hobby.)

What do you like to do? Whatever it is, do more of it. Fit time in your schedule to do it. Even if it means getting up early or going to bed late.

Passions are there to inspire you and push you in all areas of your life.

4. You learned it’s okay to say no

Learn to speak up for yourself and don’t feel guilty if it puts someone off. In fact, you know you are doing what you need to do for you IF it upsets someone.

You are pushing the boundaries of your life and that is so honorable and amazing. When we learn to not be afraid to ask for what we need, everything we want comes to us in abundance.

You may feel uncomfortable. But I promise you, every time you do something your heart isn’t into, you give away your power and dull your light.

5. You truly don’t need anyone but yourself

Every relationship you have is simply a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself. Let that sink in for a moment.

If you value, respect and honor yourself you will be able to not only have an amazing relationship with yourself, but easy and carefree relationships with others.

Love doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, that is society’s greatest lie. It should be easy.

The trick is it’s only easy when you are able to value your relationship with yourself above everything else. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer. Medium. Life Coach. Merging the metaphysical with the physical

Keep up with Jiselle on Instagram and Website

More From Thought Catalog