Latest Posts

How I Want To Die

Buy enough Pringles to fill a kiddie pool. Fill a kiddie pool with Pringles. Get into a bathing suit, as if one were to wade inside a kiddie pool. Get inside the kiddie pool face-first and begin chewing. I think you know where this is going.

Modern Art Museum Guide

The person in the ticket booth will most likely be a recent art school graduate with some piercings in their face and problematic canvases in their studio. They will shove your ticket at you. Just bow your head to their unhappiness.

A Worrisome Account Of My Spotify Account

Technology looping in my condo, ears plugged in and bouncing daintily with the muse, I was also at my laptop tending to the usual open tabs when I realized that the song I was currently listening to had been posted on my timeline, for all my friends to see and judge.

Top 10 Places To Feel Worse Online

Herein lies all the emotionally vulnerable emails you sent to failed romances to which have not received a response (though part of you still waits), emails composed in bed and impulsively sent around 1:45 a.m., you probably naked.

Chat Sequel

Yet it somehow felt rude, like this human being I had formed a relationship with over the years, whose paramount life experiences were loyally transcribed and reciprocated in chat, did not withstand the match between himself and my daily crap.

Battery Life

I claim my seat with my bag, place my coffee considerately equidistant from all the other cups on the middle table, swear to God one day I’m going to run away into the woods, and sit down. All the outlets are taken.

Yoga Apology

Perhaps a less sad man, or better person, would honor yoga by restraining himself from the exact petty ties of pedestrian vulgarity from which practitioners attempt to escape through this very practice.

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. 7
  8. 8
  9. ...
  10. 15