It would be another decade until I would lose my virginity to a charitable young lady with suspect taste, but in the mean time, I had Penthouse Forum letters to supplement any proper experience or education.
Susan and Sang Wang, Wong, or Chong are happy, if by “happy” you mean the sustained countenance of deference, the embracing of Western values (e.g. consumerism, materialism) more so than the West.
This was before the internet, kids, when kids back then went to great and precarious lengths to acquire pornographic material.
She was reading a book at the register — in the contented aura of her own attractiveness, it seemed — slowly masticating on something hard enough to be erotically heard from the aisles throughout which I wandered.
In a “real world” non-cartoon context, Beavis would likely have been prescribed a stimulant (Adderall, Ritalin) for his ADHD, maybe coupled with a mood stabilizer (Xanax, Lithium) and even an anti-psychotic (Seroquel).
Walking past a coffee stand, I noticed that the Barista — who was a woman with mannish mannerisms, obviously queer — had a thin mustache which on a “natural” man would have looked pervy.
Without God, a partner, five-year plan, or any plan, there’s little in life to consider save one’s premature mortality.
For those who believe they are lonely, whose recent break ups or absent relationships give them something to be sad about, a visit to the cat food section at PetCo may make you feel chipper, for they are populated by special kinds of sad women (colloquially known as “cat ladies”) who stare deeply — purrhaps past, confronting a dark manless void — into the very items (feather on a stick; toy mice; scooper, calming spray) for which they disorientingly came.
Aesthetically the look and feel of an overstuffed Falafel.
You buy vegetables at farmer’s market — carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy — and render them into soup that day while listening to NPR solemnly address contemporary issues.