Hos b4 Bros: The Broken Social Contract

I. BROS B4 HOS

“Bros b4 hos” is recognized by bros under “bro code.” Put simply, a bro shouldn’t let a ho diminish or compromise his allegiance to his fellow bro during common social situations where said bro needs to choose between his bro and ho. The most classic case is this: two bros are at Safeway getting nacho cheese for nachos that afternoon, of which either a sports or video game is the center. Then, at the check-out line, Bro1 receives a text from a ho saying “wanna party 2nite” or “lonely…call me.” It is important to remember this is a ho, which means she hasn’t really been all that nice to Bro1 in the past—the type of girl who only texts when she wants something, has no sense of reciprocity, and probably has stained thongs. It is obvious that Bro1 wants to have sexual intercourse with the ho, and texting her back would increase his chances dramatically, but under “bros b4 hos,” he should ignore the ho’s text and continue getting the nacho cheese for the awesome game (sports or video). Of course, the “bros b4 hos” code has an element of complexity: Bro2, in his allegiance with Bro1, should occasionally allow concession to the ho, saying to Bro1, “Bro, s’all good bra. You totally gotta hit that sweet ass.” The “bros b4 hos” paradigm is a two-way street. Nachos 1: Hos 0

II. HOS B4 BROS

In the film Good Will Hunting (1997), counselor Sean Maguire (Robin Williams) regales Will Hunting (Matt Damon) with a story from his past in which he met his deceased wife: he had tickets to a critical Red Sox game at which a historic home run was scored. Sean displays the story with such ebullient detail that Will assumes he was at the game, only to be told, as some sick punch-line, that he (Sean) gave up his ticket and didn’t go to the game in order to “[…] see about a girl.” This is a classic example of “hos b4 bros,” a broken social contract that is looked down upon. In this grossly unrealistic Hollywood narrative, Sean goes on to marry the girl; but in real life, she would most likely turn out to be some ho. After buying her three cosmos, she’d say the game was boring and leave, as hos have no allegiance to bros at all. A man at a bar, not at the game, and not getting laid—this is what happens when you make hos b4 bros. At the end of the film, Will leaves a note in Sean’s mailbox, plagiarizing his “I had to see about a girl,” en route to Palo Alto, California to court his own ho, a rich Harvard student who transferred to Stanford for undisclosed, but definitely ho-ridden reasons. Math genius 0: Ho 1

I hope I have clarified the dire difference between “bros b4 hos” and “hos b4 bros,” which only looks like a palindrome if you squint, which is what you will be doing as you manually bring yourself to orgasm because that ho got bored and left. Notice a pattern? Bros b4 hos, seriously.