“You came promising a cure, but instead you brought the disease.”
They shared the same heart, the same torso, the same ass, the same penis. What they didn’t share were any opinions. They couldn’t even toast a slice of bread without a vicious political argument breaking out.
Rex rushed into a stall, locked the door, unbuckled his belt, and opened his pants. To his extreme dismay, he noticed his penis looked substantially smaller than normal.
In the past three days, Iris had given birth three times—each time she’d gone to the bathroom to defecate.
The manhunt began the moment one of the observers notified police to say, “I have just seen a boy murdered on the Internet.”
It was a summer morning like any other—except for the fact that when he looked in the bathroom mirror while splashing cold water on his face, Gregg Sandstone did not expect to see an adult human vagina occupying the center of his forehead.
They were like zombies, but instead of eating her flesh, they’d walk up and say something dumb to her.
They loved their son, even though they would probably never get to kiss him.
“Your mother’s biggest regret is you.”
Patton Oswalt and Thought Catalog’s Jim Goad agree on nothing. Watch Patton throw down hard for Hillary while discussing the upcoming election, globalization, social media, and more.