22 Weird And Disturbing Facts About Sex Dolls

(Wikimedia Commons)
(Wikimedia Commons)

1. Yes, men have sex with them. That’s why they’re called “sex dolls.”

Even the most basic, cheap-ass, hideous-looking, Band-Aid-colored blowup doll that you give as a gag gift at some douchebag’s bachelor party has a hole somewhere designed for some desperate male to stick his prong and blow his goo. It ain’t pretty, but it’s true. This isn’t rocket science; it’s socket science.

2. But for some men, it’s about much more than sex.

A small subset of men who own sex dolls are said to develop deep emotional attachments to them—a fact that many in society find even more distasteful than the fact that they fuck them.

3. Sex dolls are almost exclusively a guy thing.

The RealDoll company claims that male sex dolls account for a mere 10% of sales, and even those are often sold to gay males. According to human sexuality expert Cynthia Ann Moya:

In the content analysis I did of magazines and books, I don’t think any of [the examples] involved women….This is not to say that it never happened. But the mythologies that people tell each other about these sex dolls all involved men.

4. Not all sex dolls are created equal.

Just like human beings, sex dolls are truly diverse. Some are nothing more than glorified beach balls made of cheap vinyl that will pop and deflate the minute they’re penetrated. Others are fashioned of silicone and feature metallic skeletons that enable the earnest doll-fucker to position their joints. Some even have internal heating systems that make them feel a little bit less dead to the touch. And the manufacturers of the high-end “RealDolls”—which currently can cost up to $10,000 per doll—are currently working on “robotic sex dolls that talk back, flirt and interact with the customer.”

5. Sex dolls will never nag you.

Granted, sex dolls are not as warm as real women. But according to some men, they aren’t nearly as cold, either.

Steve Shubin, inventor of the Fleshlight, submitted a patent in 1995 to create a “female functioning mannequin” whose “cavity” would be lubricated with “oily elastomer.” According to Dr. Marquard Smith’s book The Erotic Doll, Smith designed his mannequin on the pretense that

…women are cruel, venal, superficial, that they humiliate and break the hearts of men and that dolls on the contrary are reliable, compliant, companionable, and loving.

As sex-doll manufacturers Dolloza explain it:

Our dolls don’t judge you and you can do whatever you want and whenever you want with no complaining, criticism, or any pillow talk!

6. There are Japanese brothels that feature sex dolls rather than living, breathing, human prostitutes.

Unlike these here United States, where lonely men enjoy meat-on-plastic relations with sex dolls in the comfort and privacy of their mothers’ basements, the Japanese boast full-on love-doll brothels where men pay top yen to carnally consort with sex dolls in virtual-reality whorehouses. Japan also briefly featured a TV show with a silicone sex doll as its main character. And one crafty Japanese inventor has produced a sex doll that also doubles as a drinking fountain:


7. A Michigan man who calls himself “Davecat” lives with three sex dolls: his “wife” and two “mistresses.”

A Michigan man who calls himself "Davecat"—husband to one sex doll and lover of two others. Flickr /// Joe Whited
A Michigan man who calls himself “Davecat”—husband to one sex doll and lover of two others. Flickr /// Joe Whited

A nattily attired black male from Michigan who goes by the handle “Davecat” is a proud owner of three sex dolls. Although the United States Supreme Court still does not recognize marriage between human beings and inanimate objects, Dave insists that he is married to the first sex doll he purchased, which he has named “Sidore Kuroneko.” Davecat also houses two other sex dolls that he has dubbed “Muriel” and “Elena,” but these are not his wives—they’re only “intimate friends.” According to Davecat:

Dolls don’t possess any of the unpleasant qualities that organic, flesh and blood humans have. A synthetic will never lie to you, cheat on you, criticize you, or be otherwise disagreeable.


Jim Goad

Stop worrying about good and bad...and start thinking about true and false.

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