First they came for the Tea Party, and you did not speak out—because you were not a member of the Tea Party.
Then they came for the conservative news outlets, and you did not speak out—because you were not a conservative.
Then they came for World Champion Douchebag and Hall of Fame Lifetime Achievement Award-Winning Dudebro Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame.
Will you speak out this time?
This afternoon in a US District Court nestled in the breathtakingly scenic villa of Newark, NJ, our tyrannical, power-mad, overreaching, out-of-control, money-grubbing, kitten-squashing government indicted the astronomically douchey former reality star and his ’roided-out brother Marc Sorrentino on federal tax-evasion charges.
According to US Attorney Paul Fishman, who is considerably less macho than either Sorrentino brother and may simply be suffering a severe case of player-hatin’:
Michael and Marc Sorrentino filed false tax returns that incorrectly reported millions made from promotions and appearances. The brothers allegedly also claimed costly clothes and cars as business expenses and funneled company money into personal accounts. The law is absolutely clear: telling the truth to the IRS is not optional.
Despite the fact that he’s facing up to 11 years in prison, The Situation rode up a snazzy white BMW and was wearing what a London rag described as “a smart dark blue suit and white shirt,” looking as relaxed as Frank Sinatra on 10 martinis and 20 Percocet as he mugged it up for reporters and blew the whole thing off like it ain’t no thang.
“The situation will sort itself out,” Sorrentino told a reporter.
End federal tyranny! Free The Situation!