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Trans-Plastic Comedienne Joan Rivers Calls Barack Gay And Michelle A “Tranny”

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Octogenarian comedienne Joan Rivers has willingly succumbed to the cosmetic knife so often throughout the years that they should invent a new term for people such as her—I suggest “trans-plastic.”

Miraculously, paparazzi were able to catch the ancient funny lady in a rare candid moment recently, mere seconds after she ate a Botox pita wrap en route to receiving a new pair of space-age plastic hips from a Chinese robot doctor.

Interviewer: “And do you think that the country will see the first—the United States will see the first—gay president or the first woman president?”
Joan Rivers: Well, we already have it with Obama, so let’s just calm down.
“Got it.”
You know Michelle is a tranny.
“I’m sorry—she’s a what?”
A transgender. We all know.

Of course, the predictable self-appointed police of the Outrage Gestapo don’t seem the slightest bit miffed at the insinuation that Barack Obama has a taste for sausage and that his wife used to be a dude—if anything, those were taken as compliments of the highest order, a verbal form of granting them knighthood. They are, however, shitting their velvet diapers that Miz Rivers used the term “tranny,” which they have deemed offensive, outrageous, inexcusable, unacceptable, preposterous, and blasphemous.

What on this blue-and-green sexually dimorphous Earth is so rotten about the word “tranny”? It is simply a more casual version of the words “transgender” and, decreasingly, “transvestite.” It’s about as horrifying as the fact that my legal name is James but I prefer to be called Jim. I’d actually like to see someone logically try to break down why this word is objectively offensive—it would make for a tremendously comedic moment, because objectively, there is no such thing as offensiveness. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but YOUR EMOTIONS ARE NOT SCIENCE.

I suggest they take another shot of estrogen, pop a double dose of antidepressants, and calm the fuck down. But we know this will never happen, because perpetually escalating outrage is the lifeblood of such types. In their doomed quest for reassurance, validation, soft petting, and endless applause from EVERYONE ON EARTH UNTIL THE END OF DAYS, they ensure that they will never rest. A friend of mine once asked if anyone has ever seen an activist get less angry. Of course that never happens. That’s not how the game is played. As the saying goes, if you aren’t outraged, you’re probably somewhere having fun. TC mark

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