The term “Bruh Asian” was trending on Twitter a few minutes ago, and I eagerly leaped on it like an alley cat pouncing on a trash can full of fish bones.
I get that way with anything that may possibly involve racial stereotypes because I honestly think the only way to get past the insane self-censorship and witch hunting that has exploded like mental herpes all over our culture the past decade or so is to stereotype EVERYONE as brutally and viciously and ruthlessly and mercilessly and hilariously as possible. I believe this would relieve the thick crazy cloud of current cultural tension far better than forcing everyone to duct-tape their fucking mouths. Although many insist that these double standards are set in place to erase injustice, I think they’re purposely there to perpetuate conflict.
I realize that I’m in the minority with this opinion. But don’t I get protection in this case because, you know, I’m a minority?
If I complain—and I do—that whites constantly get stereotyped and demeaned in modern Western culture, it’s not because I’m against stereotyping per se, but because it seems like the English-speaking world shits its diapers when anyone else besides Caucasians gets ethnically stereotyped.
But then I thought about it, and that’s not entirely true. When the shit hits the fan, it often splatters on Asians, too.
Sure, a few months ago, Stephen Colbert faced a thousand-foot yellow tidal wave of scorn when he made a stupid but well-meaning Asian joke. His detractors were the typical crew of white ethno-masochists mixed with a well-organized group of “Asian Rights People,” or whatever they’re called. But I noticed a distinct absence of blacks among the protestors. There might have been a couple, but over the years, honed as my roach antennae are toward racial matters, I’ve noticed that blacks seem even less afraid to stereotype Asians than they do whites. I’m not sure why this is—yes, I understand that many Asians operate grocery stores in poor black neighborhoods, but I don’t see how overcharging people for purple drank and Jolly Ranchers compares to being shackled and whipped while being forced to call yourself “Toby” like that famous scene in Roots. To me, it’s unconscionable that anyone should have to call themselves “Toby.”
Ice Cube, who has had a long career trajectory where he went from threatening to blow motherfuckers’ heads off to dissing white “cave bitches” to starring in cute, fun, family camping movies, had a song called “Black Korea” that was pret-ty fuck-ing nas-ty toward Asians, and yet he seems to have emerged from it unscathed.
Shaquille O’Neal once openly mocked Chinese basketball player Yao Ming, and yet Shaq seems to get a free pass, too:
Referring again to Yao Ming, Shaq once made sport of the way Chinese people talk, and yet he still gets advertising contracts and is almost universally embraced as a big, cuddly, learning-disabled sports hero.
Before I say, “Now, imagine if a white person had—” … oh, fuck, I already said it.
My search for “Bruh Asian” revealed Tweets going all the way back to 2011, but the most recent flurry was sparked when a white girl made fun of Asian nail-salon clerks on Vine:
Oh, fuck, a white person said it.
But it was a black guy who calls himself “Famous Negro” who picked up the egg roll and ran with it:
Bruh Asian nail salons be like 😂😂 http://t.co/uH1pZVbwTZ
— ً🤣 (@WhoGoofy) July 23, 2014
And it was largely blacks who RT’d Famous Negro’s tweet with and spackled it with emoticons and LMAOs and LMFAOs and ROLFLMBAOs. There were other “People of Color” cracking jokes, too, but it was mostly people with a LOT of color.
Throughout the nearly three years that the term “Bruh Asian” has appeared on Twitter, it has disproportionately been used by blacks, and not typically in a flattering way:
Asian drivers be like http://t.co/3ldR4Y221d
— WSHH FANS (@WSHHFANS) July 6, 2014
Bruh…. Asian hipsters dress weird AF TF does he have on ?? pic.twitter.com/ehZQlk6oLa
— #ENDSARS🇳🇬/Dema stan account 👑🍏 (@_YoungPicasso_) July 17, 2014
lool bruh Asian girls are acc scared they'll turn black when the suns out, they legit stay in the shade 😂😂😂😂
— Magneto (@_Alishaaa) July 15, 2014
“@BruhWeBIack: Hold up bruh .. http://t.co/ybSxNs1lJL” Asian boul not even touchin his girl.
— #NeverFold #IAMBK #BBIB #StillQueenin #ClickBait (@Leek_Escobar) July 12, 2014
Bruh Asian families are turning pickup into family reunions pic.twitter.com/UQQ5LRGjua
— Courts Tweets (@The_LexCourts) June 8, 2014
bruh asian girls in porn are so fucking annoying.
— sternritter k (@krollodolo) June 9, 2013
BRUH ASIAN PEOPLE CANNOT FUCKIN DRIVE! Like IM MAKING A PETITION TO GET YOU BITCHES OFF THE ROAD BRUH. FUCKIN BLOWN😡😡
— Amber❤️ (@MsAmberWyatt) December 18, 2012
All asian girls have side ways vaginas.. " is that ture bruh?" ASIAN GIRL: no -_- #GuyCode
— ƈɦɛաȶֆɨɛ🥇 (@KayyNoDot) July 24, 2012
Maybe I missed me some good fun racism, but I can’t ever remember seeing Asian people make fun of blacks on Twitter. Maybe they do it in private when they’re all gathered together in their opium dens.
So what’s the dee-eye-dillio with this? Is it OK to make fun of Asians? I think so, but under one condition—so long as everyone makes fun of everyone else all the fucking time until everyone finally gets over themselves and pulls their thumbs out of their asses. Deal?