9 Things You’ll Hear At Work, And Their True Meaning

Working in an office is essentially living in a war zone in which people are looking to one-up each other constantly. Within the confines of this war zone, people drop bombs, or work terms. What I’ve come to observe is that how well you can incorporate this often absurd corporate jargon into your lexicon–which is, technically, still English–the more people think you know what you’re talking about, the more they’ll respect you, and the better shot you have at pulling off a nice bonus that year. So it’s not pointless.
Office Space
Office Space

1. Opportunity

Example: “We look forward to this opportunity.”

Meaning: Thing.

Explanation: Everything is technically an opportunity. Meeting somebody who might be valuable is an opportunity. To advance within the reigns of the office, substitute this word for any

2. Transition Process

Example: “With some new staff, we’re going through a little bit of a transition process.”

Meaning: Disaster.

Explanation: This is a polite phrase to cover up for what’s often a confusing, unknown situation which is going to get ugly.

3. Miscommunication

Example: “There seemed to be a little miscommunication here.”

Meaning: People engaged in idiotic behavior.

Explanation: Blaming a mishap on miscommunication is a convenient way of conveying this without being too direct at the perpetrator. What it usually comes down to just one person botching an important email—other than that, all communication went well.

4. The Good Weekend

Example: “Hi Jon, I hope you had a good weekend, but….”

Meaning: I’m about to say something you’re not going to like.

Explanation: This is an inviting way to lure someone in to your email before you ask them to do something you know they don’t want to do, or call them out on something which may come off aggressive or accusatory.

5. Best Regards

Example: “We’re still waiting for payment on the invoice. Best regards,”

Meaning: Go fuck yourself.

Explanation: Much like the good weekend line, the best regards is a way of indicating solid friendship after saying something that wasn’t too courteous. A bandage to the wound, one might say.

6. Grow

Example: “I know that you’re the type of professional who wants to grow.”

Meaning: Get rich and crush it and be in Lil Wayne videos.

Explanation: Grow is a pretty way of saying gettin’ paid and gettin’ paid fat. The objective of growing, of course, is to resemble Dan Bilzerian. Therefore, to want to grow means to want to be in a Miami suite and bend over an Instagram famous girl while overlooking the shore and smoking a Cuban.

7. The Rolling Ball

Example: “We need to get the ball rolling on this project.”

Meaning: Get people to start doing what we’ve been talking about.

Explanation: This is a cute term that comes in handy when a supervisor realizes something has been spoken about for the last few days or hours but nothing has actually happened. To get the ball rolling is a way of cracking the whip.

8. Let’s Table This

Example: “Let’s table this for now, and come back to it once we’ve given it more thought.”

Meaning: I’m getting bored with this subject. It’s also close to lunch time.

Explanation: This is a very kind way of asking people to shut up with opinions and move on to the next needed subject.

9. The Second Meeting?

Example: “Should we have another meeting to discuss this?”

Meaning: Is it just me, or did we not accomplish anything in the last hour?

Explanation: A meeting generally runs for one hour, and when the soup’s feeling unconvinced about the conclusions made during the aforesaid meeting, they might drop this line. TC mark

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