The bar can be an uncomfortable place, especially when you have no idea what to say to people. Below are ten conversations I think guys can have at every bar, every weekend, followed by a brief demonstration of their development and/or effect. Hopefully you will resonate with some of them.
1. The Getting in Conversation
The night usually begins with the predominant asking of:, “hey do you think we’re getting in?” and a desperate skepticism seems to permeate the question. Not “getting in,” it seems, denotes a personal insult, something like getting picked last in basketball for grownups, and people have been known to get a little crazy when they don’t “get in.”
Once you do get in, meet your people, the dilemma doesn’t end quite there.
Even when inside, you can ask for whereabouts of whoever you thought might be in, but isn’t. For as long as you talk about whose getting in and not getting in, you’ll have people to talk to.
2. The Let’s Leave
The funny part about the whole “getting-in” sequence, is that half of the time it does work out, people in your group suggest that you leave. Either the current bar is lame, somebody says another bar is better, or you’ve come to the harsh reality that there’s nothing to do too quickly.
3. Talking about how much drinking you’re going to do
Some argue that half the reason to drink, is to talk about the quantities of intake.
“Tonight, man,” this dude says, as he gulps whiskey on the rocks. “I’m going all out. Crazy week,” though you have a suspicion most of this guy’s time was spent looking at ThefatJewish’s Instagram.
4. Calling out people not at the bar/ Make fun of people not at the bar
It’s totally within your right to badmouth whoever chose to take the night off—typically your friend who just recently got involved in a relationship.
“Dude, it’s like he’s married. Totally wifed up.”
I usually say something like, “oh, we lost a soldier,” for some tactful banter which I fail to achieve, but some people take this as a personal offense.
5. The Let’s Kick It
You run into a dude you don’t know very well, but you’re both drunk, talking for a while and actually having a pretty excellent time. You crack jokes and trade stories that come naturally.
Man, you think, this guy could have been my best friend these years. At some point, one guy says:
“Dude, I know we don’t each other that well, but I just want to say, you’re the man. Like, for real. You’re awesome. we got to kick it.”
You trade numbers and assure yourselves of how you are going to hang and do great things on your adult playdate, but deep down, or not even deep down really, you both know you’re not actually going to do this.
If one participant actually remembers this conversation, and more importantly, bold enough to send the initiative text, he has a good 75% chance of getting ignored.
6. The cigarette
In modern days, very few people actually smoke, although most of them do. “Only when drunk,” or “trying to stop,” are the most popular explanations for why a person who doesn’t smoke, smokes. Whether to escape the heat, loud noise, or lack of space, a bar is a perfect place to feed this guilty pleasure.
It begins when one guy says, “let’s have a ciggie.”
“I won’t smoke, but I’ll come with you.”
Once you offer a drunk dude a dollar for a smoke, your buddy has a very high chance os saying, “Can I have a puff?”
7. The Let me buy you a drink bluff
A: Dude, you know what, I want to buy you a drink.
B: Na, dude. I need to buy you one. You’re the man.
A: I am the man, but no. Drink on me.
B: You sure?
A: Yeah dude, you’ll get the next one. Find me in ten minutes.
B: You got it.
8. The Follow Up
B: Yo, I’ll take you up on the drink.
A: Oh, dude. I’m way too smashed. Next time for sure.
9. Text Analysis
One of the most assured days to engage the twenty-something counterpart is to engage in text analysis, where each member is granted the opportunity to offer his psychological interpretation of a few words text messaged by a girl he is trying to see. Generally, he has no idea about this relationship, but after reading three or fur lines of the text message thread, this friend is completely entitled to his subjective, hardly formed thesis as well formed scientific discovery.
“Bro, you’re in. Don’t text her for like… two hours.”
Or, “Dude, you have it, totally. Just go with the flow,” or other vague, slightly motivational comments of the like.
10. Talking about not liking bars anymore
There seem to always be a few buddies who come across the harsh realization of the bar’s ever-growing irrelevance into a productive, healthy life, and so lose the endurance to keep going. They suggest that efforts should be taken in going to nice dinners or vacations, rather than hitting up the same bars over and over again.
- A drunk girl who preaches that it’s good to be weird
- Talking about how you should have gone out of town this weekend
- Trying to motivate your friend to have the strength to go up to a girl
- New York