“I have a weird question for you,” said my friend. “I really want to send you this aesthetically-pleasing vag shot I took but is that weird?”
“Not weird,” I texted her back. “Go ahead and send.” I mean, it wasn’t all that out of the ordinary, besides the fact that I was looking at her entire vagina at two in the afternoon in a restaurant. It was a good photo.
Photos of our intimate anatomy aside, there are so many sex-related things that I can only talk to my girlfriends about both over drinks Sex and the City style or in a group text. If you’ve got a tight-knit crew of girlfriends with little to no filter, you know what I mean.
Here are popular topics my girls and I like to discuss. Add yours in the comments!
1. WTF is with dudes who like to ramble on in sexting sessions about their oral technique? If you have to write giant paragraphs about just how slow you drag your tongue, you’re probably not actually That Good at going down.
2. When you think your gyno is hot, who else can you tell?
3. WTF is this discharge and what does it mean? Am I dying?
4. Isn’t “yeasty” the worst word? How can I cure this yeast infection fast and effectively without having to smear Monistat all over my junk?
5. Remember when I broke my bed?
6. What’s the science behind whiskey dick? Why can’t he get it up?
7. I think I’m addicted to the Magic Wand. I am going to buy you one right now.
8. Do you think crystal dildos really work?
9. “OMG, I am so, so sore this morning. Like, I’m walking like a cowboy.” When you get that text, you know your friend had a fun night.
10. Showing off your latest set of sexy lingerie before any of your partners get to see it, partially for validation and partially just to show off.
11. Is that sex move he’s been doing lately normal? Do I like it, or is it weird?
12. “His dick is so huge I really wanna screenshot it but he’d totally know since this is Snapchat.”
13. Feeling so dead inside, but still exceptionally horny.
14. The “I had the best sex ever last night” text that usually comes accompanied by congratulatory fireworks emojis.
15. Are my nipples weird-looking?
16. So, this thing happened to me and I’m too ashamed to talk to my gyno about it. What’s going on with me?
17. Does my vag smell? Can you smell anything right now?
18. Why the hell do I shit my brains out during period time? Please tell me you do this too.
19. Am I pregnant? I’ve Googled the symptoms and I totally have them. I think I have chlamydia too. Oh god, I’m dying.
20. The ins and outs of Plan B – when should I take it? Will it make me sick?
21. Why do guys always want to have sex in the shower? Don’t they understand that it’s kind of uncomfortable and not really lube-friendly?
22. Speaking of lube, let’s share our favorite brands.
23. “Oh god, my son keeps finding my vibrator no matter where I hide it.”
24. UTI 101 – sharing our favorite tips and tricks to get rid of a pesky, resistant strain that is seriously killing our sex drive. (My prescription: D-Mannose powder, a true magical potion.)
25. What’s going on with my sex drive, anyway? It’s either I want to get fucked 100% of the time or I can’t bear to think of it at all.
26. How come I only get laid when I’m wearing weird, old underwear and haven’t shaved my legs?
27. Texting each other after you’ve gotten a fresh Brazilian: “Why do I pee everywhere with a new Brazilian?”
28. “Your vagina is so pretty! Mine’s weird. Is mine weird? How big are your labia?”
29. Inquiring into the habits of dude friends: “Do you think guys sit around and talk about their dicks like this?”
30. Recommending gynecologists to each other with glowing reviews, kind of like you’re dating a really great new person. “They totally get me! They’re dependable and I never have to wait too long.”
31. “I’m really proud of all the hard work I’ve been doing with my workouts, please gaze upon this amazing photo of my ass and compliment me. I need validation!”
32. Sharing the best angles for sexy pics, like where you should hold the phone to make your ass look bigger and which pics never, ever fail to make him send you the eggplant emoji.
33. “I have a huge zit on my ass. Wanna see?”
34. Pretending to be WebMD when sex-related injuries come up.
35. Really bad sex. What happened? Are you gonna do it again?
36. Dudes who can’t kiss – what the hell is the deal? Didn’t they spend serious time in high school figuring out how kissing works? We did. Why aren’t they putting in the same amount of work?
37. My boyfriend wants to try (INSERT SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY) here. Have you done it? What do I need to know? Our friends are our greatest resources when it comes to sexual adventures. We might even invite them to a threesome. Maybe.
38. I think my leggings are giving me yeast infections. Is that a thing that can happen?
39. Should I throw all these thongs away? They’re gross, right? Don’t they basically trap bacteria from your butt?
40. HE SHAVES HIS CHEST HAIR WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?