So you’re having sex now. That’s awesome! I’m proud of you. Sex is pretty fun and a good way to spend 30 minutes. Plus, if you’ve read my oeuvre, you know I like it … a lot.
However, sex is also a really complicated practice, especially if you’re relatively new to it. You’re figuring out what feels good to you and trying to figure out what your partner wants, too. Plus, it’s easy to get wrapped up in all those ridiculous sex tips in “Cosmo.” Trust me, I read tons of them when I was first having sex at 17 and thought, “THAT’S what I’m supposed to do?!?” I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to put a scrunchie on a dick or fuck like acrobats in a swimming pool. Swimming pool sex sucks, actually.
It’s best to start slow and simple. The key to newbie sex is learning what you like and learning how to express that to another person. You’ll get the hang of it, I promise. In the meantime, let me give you a few tips that I use even today, 20+ partners later. XO.
1. Take one of his fingers into your mouth and suck gently on it. Slide it in and out. For some reason, this makes dudes freak out.
2. You can grab his dick harder than you think. I promise. They’ll like it.
3. Want to move your makeout session to something more? Lick his earlobe slowly and moan quietly into his ear. Whisper his name. Bite it just a little. Instant boner.
4. Watch each other masturbate. You’ll get turned on watching and you’ll learn what the other person likes, straight from the source.
5. Even if you’re not enjoying it as much as he is, pretending to be into a blowjob (or legit being into it!) is really hot for a guy. Moan a little – the vibration really does feel good for him. “Cosmo” wasn’t wrong there.
6. Make eye contact. Dudes love eye contact. Do it while you’re blowing him or riding him. Turn your head to look at him when you’re riding him backwards.
7. Play with his balls. Cup them. Tug them a little. Suck on him.
8. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Sex is supposed to be fun, so do it with someone you trust and don’t put yourself in a situation you’re not OK with. If he wants to do something you’re not into, just tell him.
9. Use lots of lube. Even if you’re wet and ready to go, a little extra lube makes everything so much better. You can buy it (I use Astroglide) or just use your own spit. Trust me on this one.
10. Tell your partner what you want. If something doesn’t feel all that great, give them tips to make it better. Direct them.
11. Ask your partner what they want, too. Communication is key to having rad sex.
12. Try a twist on the simple things. You don’t have to go crazy and contort yourselves when you’re having sex. Sometimes just adjusting yourself a little bit – like lifting your legs up in the air during missionary, or squeezing your Kegel muscles during girl-on-top – can dramatically change the way things feel.
13. SQUEEZE THOSE KEGEL MUSCLES. I love moving up and down really slowly, squeezing along the way. Dudes go crazy for it. They beg me to do “that thing.”
14. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Sex is kind of ridiculous when you really think about it. Don’t take it so seriously.
15. Have a favorite vibrator? Bring it to bed. If your dude feels threatened, he’ll get over it when he sees how much it can enhance your sex life.
16. Talk dirty. You don’t need to be super-explicit and X-rated, but even just saying something like, “Mmmm … that feels good” can work wonders. Praising your partner when they do something you like just compels them to do it more often!
17. Don’t forget the power of touch. Sometimes just touching another person, and feeling them touch you, feels better than sex. Lying in bed with a dude while he gently strokes my skin is one of my favorite things.
18. Conversely, don’t be afraid to get a little rough. Drag your fingernails down his back while he’s inside you. Nip at his neck and his ears. Pull his hair a little bit. It adds an extra excitement to your fooling around sessions and can sometimes lead you to a new sexual discovery; some people love rough sex and others just don’t. You’ll never know til you try.
19. Talk to your friends. If your friends are sexually active, discussing what’s happening in their relationships versus yours can be very helpful. It’s like “Sex and the City.” Chatting about what’s going on with your girlfriends in your sex lives is fun! And occasionally eye-opening.
20. Relax. Don’t freak out about being “good in bed.” That’s subjective. Just let go. Breathe. Have fun.