With most dudes, the idea of getting massaged makes me want to hurl. I am not here for you to rub my shoulders halfheartedly in hopes of getting laid because I’m pretending to be turned on but am mostly just bored. And I’m really not into those pretend masseurs. I leave that sort of rubdown to the professionals.

But this guy, he really lived up to my expectations. Are your eyes rolling? Mine were too – with pleasure. After weeks of him bragging via text about how good his massages were, I finally was like, “Fine, I’m coming over. See you in 20 minutes” and got in my car.

I wore my cheap Frederick’s black lace teddy underneath my regular clothes. He was in the shower when I got there; I let myself in just like I owned the place. His cat hissed at me. When I peeled my t-shirt and shorts off in that tiny bathroom to reveal that halter-necked mini-masterpiece on my body, he about lost his mind. I could SEE his eyes bugging out. “Can you get that wet?” He asked. I didn’t care; I mean, it was like $12. I can buy another one. I got in with him. I always like a dripping wet boy. The sound that came out of his mouth when he touched my wet skin encased in all that cheap lace was heavenly. His dick was so hard it was poking between my thighs.

We moved to his bedroom, and he laid me down, in that soaking wet teddy, on his bed facedown. I pulled my hair up off my neck. He dipped his hands into coconut oil, as promised, and ran them down my back. He wasn’t lying. He was GOOD at this. I responded right away. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of my own head when I’m fucking, but I did it immediately for him. My skin under his hands was slippery, glistening in the tea light candlelight. When he moved, I could feel how hard he was against me. I let go and let him loosen up my Type-A cuckoo locked-tight muscles. It felt good. And when he lowered himself onto me, slick with oil, nothing had ever felt sexier than that. And when I thought I couldn’t get any wetter, any hotter, he ripped that teddy right off my body, just split it down the middle.

When he slid an oiled-up hand down and began to circle my clit really slow, that’s when I really lost myself. Some dudes don’t know what they’re doing down there and try to do too many things at once, but he knew: slow and steady, rhythmic, wins the race. Slow circles. Gets a girl good and warmed up, ready for action. Don’t you just shudder thinking of those jerky hand motions boys used to make when you were younger?

He did it just right with his tongue, too. It’s the best when you can tell dudes actually enjoy going down on you. His “mmmms” felt authentic, and everything he did just built up my frenzy. The trick is to take your time; when I give a blow job, I’m not like, “OK, do each motion for 30 seconds and then move on to another.” That isn’t how it works. You gotta warm ‘em up, tease ‘em, get ‘em close and then take it away for awhile. But I couldn’t last that long with him, because every motion was what I wanted. I like when I can connect with someone like that, ‘cause it’s kinda rare. Once he sped it up, it was over. I came all over his damn mouth. (Not literally. I don’t squirt.)

I paid him back, obviously. I’m pretty sure that oiled-up boobs like mine rubbed up and down your chest feels amazing to any dude. And I had to prove to him that I could get his dick down my throat; with a little concentration, it isn’t that hard. Just remember to breathe. When they’re big, you have to focus on your breathing or you’ll barf on ‘em. When their dicks are big, you can’t get them real deep for too long unless you’re really warmed up. Like I’ve said before, get that thick spit from the back of your throat on your side, and you’re golden. They’ll be squirming and moaning and begging you to fuck them in minutes, which is what he did. I blinked and I was straddling his dick, easing all of it into me.

After a few months of really mediocre sex, this was a blessing. We did it all sorts of ways, but it didn’t feel rushed or fake-porny. I needed to be fucked like this, bent over, hair pulled, hips grabbed. When we finished, it was the headspin only the best sex can give you, where you’re blissed out all night. My knees vibrated for an entire day. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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