So you wanna experiment with S&M? Cool. I hope you weren’t inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, but if you were, I suppose that’s cool too. Every girl gets the itch to test out the whips and cuffs at least once in her life.
If practiced within reason, S&M is a fun way to play with power dynamics, test your boundaries and strengthen your relationship. Of course, it can be done casually too; I’ve only done it within the confines of a relationship, so I can’t speak for more than that.
Here’s what every fledgling dominatrix should have in her kit. S&M for beginners, shall we say.
1. Vinyl gloves. Preferably in black. You can slick them up with lube so they shine. They look hot, help you get in character and keep your hands clean should your fingers end up in places they’ve never been before.
2. Safety words. Before you start dominating your partner, as gentle as it may be at first, you need to establish some boundaries. Make clear what’s OK/what’s not OK. You need limits. Some people use a safe word, others a signal. Figure out what works best for you both. Don’t go too far at first; that’s a really good way to ruin trust and fuck things up.
3. Restraints. Restraints are a great way to start S&M play, as you’ve probably read in Cosmo. These could be as simple as ties (like “50 Shades”), handcuffs or even zip ties or rope. Handcuffs are relatively cheap at any sex shop and they’re real easy to use. As you advance, you can try out wrist-to-ankle cuffs or hogties, but start slow.
4. Clamps. You can use nipple clamps if you’re feeling extra mean; I hate them and think they’re the most painful thing on earth, but other people love them. I think clothespins work just as well in a pinch. Literally.
5. Accessories. If you need a little extra boost to get into dominatrix mode, don’t hesitate to dress the part. Maybe a corset, maybe some stockings, definitely some high, pointy heels. Whatever makes you feel sexy and powerful. It’s fun to get into “mistress mode” with a little costuming.
6. Gags. You are gonna want to shut your partner up, so wrap something around their mouth. A silky scarf works, or you can buy a ball gag or a bite gag at any sex shop.
7. Candles. A little dribble of hot candle wax across bare skin is a sexy surprise for any subservient. Just make sure you blow the candle out first. ;)
8. Whips/paddles. I like the short riding crop style because they hurt more, but the cat o’ nine tails style works really well too. You can really smack someone with that. Definitely invest in one of these. Real leather is preferable here.
OK, so you’ve got the basics in your kit. Remember to make your sub call you mistress, or ma’am at all times. Make them beg. Be forceful, but be sure to reward them when they do what you want. Have fun!