Rihanna Named Best Humanitarian Of Year By Harvard, Best Pisces Of All Time By Me

The Harvard Foundation has named Rihanna the 2017 Harvard University Humanitarian of the Year for being so charitable as to bless us all with ANTI, her eighth and best studio album.

As if that wasn’t enough, she has also supported students from Caribbean countries with her nonprofit, the Clara Lionel Foundation Global Scholarship Program, and built a “state-of-the-art center for oncology and nuclear medicine to diagnose and treat breast cancer at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Bridgetown, Barbados,” according to S. Allen Counter, the Harvard Foundation’s director. She will accept her award at a ceremony on Harvard’s campus on Tuesday, Feb. 28, and no, you cannot attend, sorry.

The Peter J. Gomes Humanitarian Award is quite an honor, presented every year to “an individual whose works and deeds have served to improve the quality of our lives and have inspired us to greater heights,” according to The Harvard Foundation. Sounds cool! But I’d like to present Rihanna with another honor: Best Pisces Of All Time.

Rihanna, born Robyn Rihanna Fenty, first graced the world with her presence on February 20, 1988, in Barbados. Had she been born two days earlier, this post would instead be about the Best Aquarius Of All Time—as it stands, that title belongs to either Harry Styles or Virginia Woolf, depending on my mood.

Fish people (I am not crazy about the word “Pisceans”) are best known for their compassionate and dreamy natures. They feel with every emotion turned up to twelve, and they possess an innate ability to channel that emotion into creativity. The Pisces club is, unsurprisingly, overrun with poets, musicians, and artists.

Rihanna—the woman who has gifted us with such poignant lyrics as “S.O.S. please someone help me / It’s not healthy / For me to feel this way” and “Nothing but a tear / That’s all for breakfast,” and such captivating looks as the $22,000 Saint Laurent oversized heart coat she wore one September morning in New York—is the one Pisces to rule them all.

Yes, I know Albert Einstein was a Pisces. Did Albert Einstein ever win a Grammy? No. Alexander Graham Bell was a Pisces, you say? How many number-one singles did he have? That’s right: none. And Ruth Bader Ginsberg, while fantastic, has never been seen in public with a bedazzled flask. Case closed.

If you still don’t believe me, I’ll let Rihanna tell you herself, with perhaps the most Pisces line from her most Pisces album: “And I know I could be more creative / And come up with poetic lines / But I’m turnt up upstairs and I love you / Is the only thing that’s in my mind.”