I don’t know how to start this, really.
Hello to the man who looks like Nick Hornby.
I’ve seen you out and about around Malibu, you’ve probably noticed me by now– tall, 20s, curly brown hair?
I do a double take every time we come into contact.
Is that Nick? It looks like Nick. But he has children in London. But he likes Arsenal too much to live here.
You look like Nick Hornby. Has anyone told you this? Do you know who Nick Hornby is?
Here, let me show you a picture.
How do you feel?
Like you’re looking in a mirror?
Oh goodness, if you don’t know who Nick is, please go read High Fidelity. Then you will understand it all. The double takes. The giddiness. You’re the closest I’ve ever come to Nick himself and for that you get my giddiness and my double takes and unfailing, lifelong devotion.
Was that too far?
I don’t know what’s too far at this point.
I seem to run into you fairly often, Nick. Can I call you Nick?
I suppose that’s a bit to be expected, Malibu is a small community. There aren’t that many places for us regular people to go.
I think you’re a regular person, other than your doppelganger status.
I don’t know.
Maybe you’re famous. Maybe you think that’s why I always do a double take.
I don’t get that feeling from you, though. I think you’re a regular guy.
A regular guy with a lot of time off during the day, I guess.
None of this really matters.
What am I saying? I’m nervous.
Are you nervous?
That’s what I’m saying.
Hi there, Nick.
I’m sorry for giggling every time you come around. It’s not personal. Or I guess it is, but it’s the best kind of personal.
I’m sorry for writing you a public letter. Does this embarrass you? Have you forwarded it along to the real Nick, your secret, close friend?
Is Nick Hornby your secret, close friend?
What can you tell me about him?
Do you think he and I –?
Do you see what I did there? Letting you fill in the blanks with your imagination?
Nick would like that. He’s a writer.
Hello, Real Nick Hornby.
You’re probably reading this by now.
Did fake Nick forward it to you? Or someone else? Someone who said, “This girl is out of control, you better read this?”
Was it my writing that turned you on?
Whatever. Not a big deal.
For as long as we both shall live.