5 Reasons The Next ‘Bachelorette’ Season Will Be Better Than This Season’s ‘The Bachelor’

Like many die-hard reality TV fans, I couldn’t believe that something happened that would make me question whether I would continue watching my favorite guilty pleasure.  Furthermore, I couldn’t believe that that something was a soccer stud with a foreign accent and chiseled twelve-pack.  However, the annoying, rude, and overall despicable antics of Juan Pablo Galavis just about did the trick.

After considering all circumstances, I convinced myself to continue the subjection to the drama and ridiculousness that comes every Monday night.  If you’re on the verge of giving up hope, here are five reasons you should give the undeniably trashy yet supremely entertaining show another shot when Andi’s season of “The Bachelorette” premieres on May 19th:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

1. She might probably actually maybe hopefully end up with somebody.

We were all delusional, expecting a thirty-something athlete to propose to a girl after two months, when he dated his baby’s momma for years and years with no ring?  Plus, he was too busy screwing girls in the ocean along the journey to actually take the whole “falling in love” process seriously.

2. She can pronounce “it’s” and “accept.”

May we never have to hear the expression “Will you assept dis rose?” ever, ever again.  You’d think that the producers would invent an alternate saying for something that must be uttered approximately ten times per episode and makes the supposedly desirable suitor sound like he has a lisp.

3. Her IQ is probably triple his AND no language barrier.

Because of this, she understands expressions like “don’t bite the hand that feeds you” and words like “default.”  Maybe dates will consist of a few more actual conversations and a few less “besitos.”

4. She doesn’t have a child to utilize as an excuse to be a flat-out hypocrite.

Not super into some of the contestants throwing themselves at you?  Easy, just use the “don’t-want-to-look-like-a-slut-on-national-TV-in-front-of-my-kid” defense.  Want to sleep with all three contestants left in the fantasy suite that you’re super into?  No worries, just use the “I-need-the-quality-time-to-find-a-parent-for-my-kid” justification.

5. There’s nowhere to go but up!

Producers reportedly “hate Juan Pablo” and have refused to work with him regarding any more publicity deals.  He was also ousted from his reported spot on “Dancing With the Stars” and has been dubbed the “most hated Bachelor in history,” with fans ripping apart his on-camera conducts and his off-camera homophobic tweets and offensive statements.  With so much negativity, producers will be sure to show viewers a season with the most loveable characters yet…and if that requires a fair deal of editing, so be it.

Because, who were we kidding?  If we’re still hooked after 27 seasons of the franchise with a lower success rate than Kate Gosselin’s birth control, nothing can keep us away. TC mark

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