Leaving someone you love is not as easy as saying, “yes” when he asked you to label your relationship. It’s not easy as saying, “Good Morning” to those people you saw first thing in the morning. Leaving someone you really love (take note the word is you really love) takes a lot of thinking, energy and endurance.
You have to think hard whether leaving him will make any difference. When you finally decide to break the bad news to him you have to have lots of energy because right after that you will feel exhausted. You will feel that there’s a part of you that has been remove. Endurance is the most important attitude that you need to posses. You have to endure the pain that your own hands, the one you used to hold when walking down the streets, the one you used to hold while saying those promises that you made, is the same hand that you use when you let him go.
People think that the one who left will not feel the same pain as the one who was left behind. People will judge them as cruel and doesn’t have the heart. We can’t blame them because majority of us, whether we admit to ourselves or not, we only listen to one side of the story. We never gave chance to hear the other side. When our friends broke up with their loved ones we only hear their sides. We react immediately bad mouthing that douche bag or bitch that leave them. We will not care whether it’s our friend fault that’s why they end up cursing each other.
I left him. In the middle of the storm I let his hand go. My friends said that’s the right thing to do because I was in pain. His friends might say I am an evil bitch who ditched their friend. Whenever I tell my friends that I am guilty of leaving him they would say that I am still in pain, I shouldn’t blame myself. I should be fine by now because that is what I want. I was the one who asked for it. He doesn’t want to let go but I begged him to do so.
They said that whatever happens you have to keep walking, there’s no use of looking back. No matter how painful it is right now, you have to endure it. But for me, I wanted to look back. I don’t want to let this pain go. I wanted to keep it in my heart until this heart of mine will stop beating. Why? Because this pain will be a constant reminder that somewhere along the way I was too dumb to let the love of my life go.
I was so consumed by the pain that I inflicted in my heart. My insecurities swallow the love that I have for that man. I let his hand go but that doesn’t mean that I let everything about him go. Today, he is now part of my past, the only thing that I have in my present and future is our memories.