I Fed My Demon And I’m Glad I Did

A person's feet in sneakers on a railroad track
Redd Angelo / Unsplash

We all have our demons. And according to the rules set by the world, the society and its morality, we must not feed them. Feeding our demons would lead to self-destruction, they say. And I used to believe that. I made sure I don’t feed these demons living inside me. I always choose what the world thinks is right and good and ideal.

But it gets utterly exhausting.

The world will still fuck you over.

Society will still judge.

People will still ridicule. People will abuse you.

Because this world, as it turns out, does not give a single damn whether you do good or bad.

Despite my compliance with all the rules I didn’t even know where from, I still ended up hitting even beyond rock bottom. And I was left with no other choice but to feed my demon.

I’m glad I did.

My demon pushed me to break free from the chains of you because finally, I was able to clearly see everything hiding behind such a beautiful surface. It was my demon that stopped me from being blinded by that facade. It was my demon that kept me from the ignorance of what really is. It was my demon that showed me how your demon has always been disguised as the good.

My demon led me to the right people. As ironic as it is, I found comfort from the people who had also fed their own demons. They managed to completely overlook the demon I am feeding, replacing judgment with hope and utmost light. It was when we accepted how we all have our own demons that helped us lift each other.

My demon showed me the reality of the world – its cruelty, its filth, its darkness. It was my demon that laid down everything the society can and will do to put me down in complete misery, no holds barred. And it was the voice of my demon that reminded me repeatedly how I didn’t have to comply. It was my demon I’ve come to fed that taught me I should not give a fuck; that I should put myself first, and that I am entitled to cut people dragging me down completely off.

It was my demon that got me to fight for what I’ve always known is best for me. It was my demon that woke me up enough to know what I really want, and it was my demon that pushed all my boundaries to get it. It was my demon that helped me find my own happiness, because nobody really will find that for you without getting something out of it.

My demon taught me to stand for myself. It was my demon that got me to toughen up and say shit the moment something goes wrong. It was my demon that got me to speak up, speak louder, and speak at my loudest when I have to. It was my demon that strengthened all my principles even further.

I woke my demon up, and it now lives inside me, tamed – ready to be woken in case I need it. Maybe that’s what we should all do with our demons – let it live, watching out for us. Make sure it does not consume you. Instead, keep it under your rules. So, when that time comes the world decides to fuck us over, we have ourselves and our demon to handle it.

I fed my demon, and it didn’t get to me self-destruct. It got me whole.

I fed my demon and I’m glad I did. TC mark

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