The Five Things I Will No Longer Allow in 2018

girl in a bunch of wheat
Larm Rmah

In 2018, I will no longer allow any forms of toxicity get the best of me.

I will stop thinking I deserve it, nor will I think how it is better to get tied up and be stuck in one just so I can keep the relationship I think is worth it. I will no longer dive into the misery in hopes I can turn things around and make good out of anything that’s ugly. I will no longer hesitate letting people go, no matter how much they’ve come to mean to me and no matter how many of them will be because this year I am putting myself on top of my list. And this year, I mean it.

In 2018, I will no longer find myself constantly saying yes.

I have finally awakened from all the nightmares I fell in just because of constantly agreeing and saying yes to everyone about everything —thinking this could have made me better than anyone, loved by everyone, and even appreciated by someone. I have finally come to my senses that knowing when to refuse and say no does not make me less of a person, rather, this would make me one in a million. This year, it will take a lot before I utter one word I have already claimed to be as precious as gold — yes.

In 2018, I will no longer be silenced.

I will no longer put much care about what anyone would think about me once I tell them what I think. I’ll make sure I’ll get my voice even heard this time. I have been silenced for long, and this year will not be a year of yet another dumbness. All the words I only got to say in front of the mirror will be heard by anyone who needs to hear them. All these monologues I’ve always had in my head will become dialogues, and these will all turn into arguments that’ll eventually become something we’ll all learn from in the process. I’m done listening and not saying anything. This year, I’m down to listen and speak. 

In 2018, I will no longer bring my past with me.

I will make sure to start the year a clean slate, take it as a whole new chance for me to get my shit together and start doing a lot better. I will no longer let my past dictate what my next moves should be. I will no longer let the fear of my past hunting me down stop me from creating a future I have always been struggling to build. It’s time to leave all these baggage, it’s time to pick up a new one and work my way through it.

In 2018, I will no longer be scared. 

I have learned an awful lot of things in the previous years and all these were learned the hard way. All these adversities led me to fear risks even more, and what would my life be like if not for all the risks I’ve taken? So this year, I refuse to fear possibilities, opportunities, and chances I am bound to take. I am no longer afraid of the pain my choices and mistakes might cause me because I have come to know its inevitability, and I am bound to embrace the inevitable. 

I’m ready for this ride.

This year is mine. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Jill Bautista

a happy-go-lucky ray of fuckin sunshine.

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