I Always Knew I Loved You On Tuesdays

It started one Tuesday night, as I was just being my most random self, when I just suddenly blurted out how I wanted to lay down the street at that big intersection in front of the traffic lights – just like what Allie and Noah did on The Notebook. I loved that film, and it’s become one of the things I’d always wanted to do but couldn’t because I didn’t want people to think I was being silly. I thought you’d find it totally crazy and that I would scare you off, but weird enough, you didn’t. You smiled at me instead. You stood up and told me “let’s do it.” I was in complete euphoria, you should know that. And up until now, thinking about it makes me smile like an idiot. I could still remember how you told me you would always make sure to see that smile, and since then, you’ve become so into knowing what else I would want to do.

So on Tuesdays, you’d grant at least one from my almost-cliché bucket list.

It started so casually – how you’d ask me about one thing I’d like to do for the night, and I’d always give in. It was the first time for someone to actually go with how random I was and it felt like such a breath of fresh air. I started to tick off entries I could’ve done myself but chose to have done it with you because it felt just right.

On Tuesdays, we’d do something crazy.

We left work in the middle of the day just for the hell of it. We went to all the bookstores we could possibly go to. We walked into streets we’ve never been to, in between conversations I never imagined would go so deep and meaningful.

We went to a park at 11 PM because I wanted to learn how to cartwheel. You didn’t know how as well, and I felt like a total badass when I managed to at least make an almost decent one.

We watched the moon at its full in an abandoned place I was so sure we were intruding. It wasn’t in my list because I’ve always been watching the full moon. But it was just really cool that you insisted we do it together just because you remembered I told you how crazy I was about the moon.

We shoplifted, and man was I so scared yet so excited about it. It was a chocolate bar. I remember you asking me if I was sure about shoplifting, and I was so sure. I thought we were not gonna do it but right after getting out of the store, you took something out of your sock and there it was. We bought one and paid for two chocolate bars in another store after that.

We went up a roof deck of a fancy restaurant because I wanted to see the city lights. That was funny. We went up there in jeans and shirt, defying their dress code and ignoring the judgy eyes of a rather small crowd. “We’re meeting up with someone here,” we lied, and I couldn’t help but laugh because I couldn’t believe there’d be someone who’s actually as random and as spontaneous as I was. I did see the city lights and it took my breath away. I told you I wanted to dance because it fit right in the moment. There wasn’t any music, but you still went for it and held me so gently. And although both of us couldn’t dance for shit, we did. We danced as if we owned the place. We danced in front of real couples who were actually on a date. We danced like we’ve always been dancing together all our lives. And it was magic.

That Tuesday, we kissed. And as I was thinking dancing with you was magic, there came an even more magical Tuesday.

There’s been a lot more granted wishes after that. And it would probably take me an eternity to get to list down every single thing we’ve done together. It was so amazing how it seemed like you came into my life just so the universe could tell me that I can actually do these things I’ve always wanted to do. You were my go signal, and I’ve become unstoppable.

But this isn’t about all the wishes you made a mission to grant but what’s underneath ‘em. Because behind every Tuesday we stayed true to this tradition we had been doing for long are six other days of pain, hurt, guilt, and misery.

Behind every Tuesday we excitedly talk about our plans are Mondays we don’t talk at all; Wednesdays we couldn’t even look at each other; Thursdays spent fighting; Fridays we became indifferent towards each other and weekends spent away from each other. Behind all these wonderful things we did were differences we couldn’t come to resolve, and behind all the wishes you’ve granted for me were compromises we couldn’t do for each other.

And on Tuesday, you said it was your turn to ask for a wish I should grant – the first and last wish you made.

“Let me go.”