She called a six-year relationship off. A wedding supposedly about a year or two away, she called it off.
She called it off several times before. But she’s still hooked with a belief that it’s still worth fighting for. That not every relationship is perfect, not even one. That they might find way to make it through like they always do. But she finally called it off this time. Trying to make it through was not in the choice anymore.
She called it off because she found herself attached. And attachment is a root of evil. It made her cling and chase that person whom she believed is meant for her and clouded her judgement because she’s holding on to what she believed was right rather than convictions.
She called it off because he made her feel like she was not enough. He didn’t mean what he said that she will be the only one he’ll love forever. She came to her senses that she doesn’t need to show off to make him notice her because when he’s captivated by her heart, every other woman will become a blur to him.
She called it off because she realized loving him with all her heart hurts and is painful. Loving him with all of her made her love herself less and made her forget her own worth. Loving him with all of her made her lose herself. And that she shouldn’t be in a place where she questions herself or her love. She realized she shouldn’t allow any man to treat her poorly and waste all the chances she keep on giving. She realized that the pain of letting go and moving on is better than the pain of being taken for granted.
She called it off because she finally realized that right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. She realized that just because something is good doesn’t mean she should pursue it right now. She realized that just because a couple is at a place in their lives where they can seriously consider marriage doesn’t mean that they should proceed recklessly. She learned to let go and that it doesn’t always have to be her way. She learned that the heart is deceiving, is not always right and that emotions can be blinding.
She called it off because she feared. She feared in a lot of things. And the fears’ subject is him. She fears how he talks to her, how he only wanted it his way. She fears how he treated her. And what her greatest fear is how she would have a future with him. Can she live the rest of her life with this kind of man? Yes, she pictured a future with him where they are both serving God in the ministry, but she missed the part where when there is only the two of them, how would she be treated? And that totally freaked her out.
She called it off not because it’s her last resort but because she realized that though she still loves him, love sometime is not enough to keep a relationship going.
She called it off because of the Word she got while asking God what to do about her situation and got 1 John 4:18 which says
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
She thought she was ready for marriage, but not everyone who knows and loves her agrees. This is not to say that parents or other advisers can never be wrong, but of course she don’t want to proceed without their support and blessing. She realized that a healthy relationship cannot be isolated from the people around it, especially those whom God had given authority to guide you through.
Finally, she learned not to ignore what the reality checks of godly community reveal, even if the number of trusted counselors overwhelmed her with an advice of halting, she will not have reservations about her relationship and take that very seriously.
She began to realize that the problems or challenges they saw will not magically disappear because she gets married.
Some would say that she realized these things late, but she called it off because she’s 23. She realized that there are more important things to do about her family and the ministry entrusted to her than pursue a relationship that was approved not because it’s right, but because people who have important role in our lives are forced to because of their stubbornness.
She realized that she needs her parents’ wisdom. She needs the support of her church and pastors to remind her of God’s perspective and wisdom. She needs fellow believers of all ages as she walk the path to friendship to courtship to engagement to marriage.
She learned that the right time and age to start pursuing marriage is different for each of us. But the one thing she bears in her mind is that truly as Joshua Harris said, until relationship can be guided by wisdom then only she can experience the season of courtship at the right time and the right pace with a clear head and its relationship at its best.
Finally, she realized she can’t replace the peace that comes from walking in God’s will. She realized it when she prayed to God, talked with parents and other Christians, she ponder about if the idea of marriage felt right, or is marked by tension and apprehension? She realized that she will feel God’s peace only when if God’s will are in place.
She called it off because she realized that there are blessings in goodbyes and letting go whatever is holding her back. She learned that the more she force things her way, the more she’ll turn deaf to hear God’s way.
She called it off not because he didn’t do anything about the crisis in their relationship, but because she had enough. He asked for forgiveness and said he’ll make it up to her, but this time she learned to forgive him, but didn’t let him stay in her life anymore because she learned that if you truly love someone, maybe releasing them can be your own expression of love.
She finally learned that if you’re truly created for each other, you’ll both attract each other like magnets without anyone pushing or pulling, without anyone detaching or any need to have control over the other.
She called it off to keep moving forward. She knew that anyone can have a consuming passionate feelings, but only those who seek God’s will and timing can know the true joy of romantic love fulfilled.
She won’t sit and wait for the love she deserves, because what’s meant for you will always come back in its perfect time, or it’ll come when the time is perfect but she’d rather consume herself on seeking the Author of Love, the Love Himself, wholeheartedly.