If You’re Trying To Move On, You Need To Understand This First

Courtney Clayton

I feel you, the ache, the hurt, the pain. It is all there at the center of your chest weighing so much, hurting so much.

It will get to you and sometimes you won’t even know what to do anymore to break free with the grievous situation. I experienced all that, so dear you; I know what you’re feeling right now.

Moving on is a long, rocky and shaky road. Let’s face it, it is hard, it is hard to move the fuck on.

It is hard to wake up each morning feeling that it is gone, it is hard to sleep at night not thinking about your failed love story, it is hard to accept that things are not that way it used to be anymore, it is hard to pretend that you’re okay outside but deep inside it is killing you, it is hard to forget every memory that is engraved in your mind, it is hard to see yourself crying over and over again, and it is hard because we overthink, we assume and we hope.

We overthink everything, we assume things that should not matter in the present, and we hope that it will still go back to the way it was before.

Dear, don’t, because it probably won’t.

It may be difficult, yes. But I tell you, you can do it.

Your pain demands to be felt.

I bet you’ve read and watched the popular “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green. This quotable quote is true. You should not pretend that you’re okay. It is okay not be okay. Okay? Okay. Feel all the pain, cry your heart out until you can’t cry hard enough. Grieve until all the hurt is flushed in your tears. Weep to your pillow until it is drowned in your sobs. Bawl if you want! LET. IT. ALL. OUT. (If you’re crying right now, here’s my virtual *hug* and a *tap in the back* for you.) You will feel much better after it. Trust me. As the popular saying goes, there’s always a rainbow after the rain.

Divert your attention.

Diversion is difficult. I’ll be honest, it’s not easy to forget it and just go out and do picnic like nothing happened. Duh, right? But here’s the thing, you got to help yourself in order to move on. All the things that I’m saying here will be useless if you won’t prop yourself up. So, do it! You can paint, read a good book (please, not something that will remind you of ‘that’), water your plants, clean your room, play badminton, do some Sudoku puzzles or watch superhero movies.

There’s a lot of things to divert your attention to. The world does not revolve around your heartaches, remember that. I want you to do this to at least a few moments in a day, you are relaxed and your mind is not bugging you with stuff that will hurt you. So go out and let your passion do its thing!

Spend time with your family.

No matter what you do, your family will always be there for you. Spend time with your parents, they’re getting old. Love can wait so why not spend and cherish the time for your mom and dad first? The love that they’re giving you is priceless, so treasure it. It will make you feel better. Enjoy your siblings’ company too, you guys are connected by blood. Share them what you’re feeling and I assure you that they can help you. Besides, who wants to see their sibs hurting, right?

Hang out with your friends.

True friends are family. If you feel awkward talking about your heartbreaks to your kin, you can always seek help to your friends. If they are real, they will come to you and will never leave you until you are okay. Chill with them, go out and party! Go to videoke and sing your heart out! Eat pizza, order McDo fries and drink Starbucks! Laugh all your problems together with them. True friends will never ever make you feel alone. If you have that kind of pals, well, kudos to your squad!

Be positive and focus on yourself.

You’ve been through worst and it is time for a change, a change to be better and best version of yourself, someone who is stronger, braver and wiser. Do not feel insecure about yourself; it is you that makes you different, that makes you worth it. Focus on your passion and your thing, excel in it and proved to everybody that you are more than that heartbreak. Always, always, think of positive thoughts and carry on.

Forgive yourself and the other person.

Learn how to forgive. It is something you can do best for you and that person. It will help you clear your mind and ease your heavy heart.

Keep yourself away from overthinking because everything happens for a reason.

Overthinking ruins everything so skip that sh*t. It will just jumble your cluttered thoughts and make things far worse. Maybe that person is not the right one for you or maybe someone better will come along. Whatever the reason is, I know that someday it will come to you and you will know the reason why this heart break happened. Again, put that overthinking away, clear your mind and reconnect to the people that you know that will be there for you and really loves you. Move forward and let life happen.

Be honest.

This is really important; if you’re not over it, then don’t say that you are done with it. You’re not helping yourself, you are torturing yourself. The more you hide what you feel, the more it grows, the more it hurts. Be honest with yourself. Be true to what you really feel. If you still feel the pain of yesterday, don’t pretend to be strong, cry it again. By then, the time will come and you will know if you are fully and truly recovered.

Accept.

The next thing is acceptance. I don’t need to elaborate this more to you because I know that you know it already. Accept that “it” is gone and you have a life without “that” person. If you accept these changes without lying to yourself, well then, you are just an inch away in saying, “I have moved on.”

Give it a time.

You heal with time, so just keep on moving forward. I believe in you, and I know that if I can do it then you can do it too. Oh, and one lastΒ thing, be sure to have time to kneel down and pray. TC mark

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