Thought Catalog

5 Reasons Guys Go For Flakes

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Pop quiz: Girls are to jerks as guys are to

A. Ditzes
B. Models
C. Players
D. Flakes
E. All of the above

Technically speaking, the answer is “All of the above,” but for purposes of this expose, we’re focusing on le flakes — those girls who drop hints one night, vanish, then reappear after you’ve all but forgotten about them. They seem like they’re into you — on even days, most holidays and when the moon is waning — but on the odd, waxing days, they’re nowhere to be found. Elusive. Vague. Slightly mysterious. Generally attractive. You’d say they’re totally leading you on, except that would be admitting they’re doing anything at all. You’re still sitting in, “I don’t know… it’s weird with us” land.

I did some investigative reporting and found out there at are at least five reasons guys go for flakes. They are as follows:

1. The hard-to-get, drives-me-crazy-factor

Jerks provide a weird sort of cocky attention. Certain types of girls love it. Guys fall for flakes because their wishy-washy nature makes guys feel like they’re involved in a cat-mouse chase — a hot, cat-mouse chase. She draws you in, then lets you loose again. She says one thing that raises your hopes and excitement, then does another to bring it all crashing down.

Put plainly — some guys are really interested in what they can’t have, and flakes are really excellent at keeping whether or not they can be had a big, confusing mystery.

2. The “special attention” factor

Remember how girls like jerks because when they’re not being jerks, it feels like attention he gives no one else?  Flakes are masters at this game.  They know just how to make a guy feel amazing — intentionally or otherwise — creating the “she’s a flake with everyone but me” effect. Blatant, obvious, bawdy attention makes some guys feel wanted, but attention from an otherwise elusive girl trumps that 1,000 times over for a guy who loves a mysterious, elusive girl.

3. The “dominated/dominant” factor

Some of you are thinking, why struggle over something you’re never sure you can have if there are options readily available? Why don’t guys just like girls who are upfront and clear about their intentions, who make it known just what a guy will get?

One male interviewee referenced an element of push/ pull involved in dealing with a flake.  Guys want to be in charge and dominant in a relationship, but the nature of the flake creates this dominant slash dominated situation, which some guys find very hot.

4. The “low confidence/ flake lover” factor

She calls and he jumps.  She doesn’t call and he lets it go.  She calls three weeks later with no explanation of where she’s been, and it all starts over again. A guy with a lot of confidence would say screw this, I can and will do better.  A guy without much confidence doesn’t say anything.

5. The “some flakes are hot” factor

Guys like hot girls, always and everywhere.  Some hot girls are also really flakey.  Is it a result of their flakiness? Unclear, but potentially. Does it matter to most guys? Absolutely not. TC mark

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  • Anonymous

    i was involved with a girl for about 2 years that was a perfect mix of number 1 and number 2.  absolutely miserable

  • James

    Well done. That about sums it up. 

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    Flakes, jerks etc. are all describing the same thing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1690980049 Uchenna Anyiam

    I really, really, really hate that this is the story of my life…

    • Guest

      “I tend to blame it on society (media and such). Thank you for ingraining it in me since birth that I must be intriguing when I’m not at all;  act like I’m not interested and like I have a life, when I’m really into you and I’d rather spend my time with you than in front of any screen, cause I don’t actually have a life; act like I can dominate anyone, when really I’m just mean because I’m so insecure because of you, society. Thank you. ” – Flakey Flake

  • future gopher

    Guys are stupid.  If she’s good looking, we’ll overlook a lot of flaws.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1340700283 Katherine Elizabeth

    This is pretty misogynistic if you ask me. 

    • Jay_Z

      It’s fuckin reality.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1340700283 Katherine Elizabeth

        Flaky people are the same, regardless of gender. Dudes do this shit all the time. 

      • Eyiok

        Yes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamahmad Ahmad Radheyyan

    There’s also a lot of dumb guys out there who fall for flakes, because they earnestly believe they’re into them and them exclusively. Flakes can also mess with the natural order of things, and get guys to second guess when a girl who isn’t a flake shows interest.

    Unless I’m thinking of something completely different.

    • Morgan

      Question for Ahmad, you particularly because I saw an intriguing comment of yours on another post,
      How often should a girl compliment a guy without complimenting so much as to come off as too eager or overly interested?
      :P

  • LDN

    reasons 1, 2 and 3 sound the same.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    hey can you generalize guys a bit more please like i’m not sure what to do with myself now that i’m attracted to all of the above focusing on flaky women, which i’m sure you mean women with dandruff, which i think you mean hippies, or really ironic women who pretend to never wash their hair but add like sea salt or something to make it seem like they have really bad ‘flakes’ 

  • SuperCollegian

    These are all GIRLS. They are not women. And when they attempt to become women, they are still looked at as girls.

  • jen

    I feel like the “flake” could also be someone that is actually not into you at all. It sounds like more “friend zone” complaints. Sometimes the “flake” thinks that they’re talking to a friend until that friend starts hitting on them and making them uncomfortable, so they back off for a while. This could be the case for men and women alike. 

  • guest

    I’m a flake attracted to jerks. Shit.

  • Meg

    I must be a flake….. :|

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