Don’t Send These Emails

The CW Show Character

Subject line: [blank]

Hey ? Super fun getting to know you that night back at Chance’s party. I think I totally dropped you a line afterwards but cannot for the life of me keep things straight these days!! Anyway – drinks! Soon! We’re sooo much fun together, with alcohol ; XXOO!

The Seinfeld

Subject line: So this is crazy…

Hey,

So, I get this email the other day from this person I’m helping out with a freelance writing assignment gig – not important – but anyway, she’s all, “per my email blah blah weeks back” and I’m all “wait – I didn’t get an email from her…” So I call the tech guy who looks at my inbox system thing and figures out I’ve been all jammed up for weeks and not getting all these random emails! Then I realize I’d tried to send you an email after we met and thought crap! he probably thinks I’m a total asshole! But see it’s the computer that’s the asshole – haha – so here I am again just saying hi… and the night the other week was fun… and we should get a drink sometime, you know, if you’re interested!

Let me know! Oh – and maybe call me or text me too just in case this computer goes haywire on me again! 555-2222.

The Felicity

Subject line: Thoughts

Hey _____________,

So I know I sent you that email awhile back seeing if you were interested in getting a drink, but I’ve been thinking about it and I just think now isn’t the best time for that. I mean, if you were planning on us doing that we still could, but I just wanted to reach out and say not to worry about it because things are just crazy for me right now.

So – yeah – let me know what you were thinking. I’d hate to cancel if you’d made, like, a mental plan or something – but just let me know because no worries if you hadn’t yet.

Cool?

The business-style

Subject line: FWD: Hey there

Please see the below email dated 1.5 weeks ago.

Let me know your status!

Thanks!

The you-think-this-is-sooooo-smooth

Subject line: Kings of Leon tickets

Hey there,

Hope you’re doing well! I know things are probably crazy for you, but I just wanted to reach out to let you know that I scored two insane tickets to Kings of Leon this Thursday night. I remember that night we hung you were saying you love them, so I wanted to see if you were interested in going. We can just call that our follow-up drinks – haha.

Let me know!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: If it takes you more than 10 minutes and two trusted friends to write an email to someone you like who has blown you off for 1 + weeks, don’t write it. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    ideas to send these out on craigslist

  • Beeskibran

    This was great! I hope some of my stalkers read this and get the hint

    • googling is the new stalking

      I hope you find some balls somewhere and just tell your stalkers (a.k.a. guys/girls who are interested in you) that you’re not interested in them, straight up. It takes courage to reach out to someone you’re interested in. It’s just cowardly, on the other hand, to run away and call those people stalkers behind their backs. 

    • Tyrone

      you’re just paranoid.

  • Rishtopher

    I wish “The I’ll Teach You a Lesson” was acceptable. Is it so wrong for people to just say what they actually mean? Maybe I’m just a very confrontational person though lol.

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      Wrong? No. But you’re definitely going to be referred to as crazy by them & everyone they choose to forward the email to. Sooooo take your pick: straight forward (and nuts) or sad (but not crazy). 

      • Rishtopher

        I prefer the term “confrontational” as opposed to “crazy”, but I guess both are pretty bad  lol. I’d argue I already have that reputation since I kind of already said stuff along the same lines IRL to friends/acquaintances before. That said, I’d never say this to someone I wanted to date, in an email or otherwise.

        I still think it’s better for people to let each other know or at least imply that nothing is going to happen when the encounter actually takes place. I make an effort to be clear about this stuff, why can’t other people? 

      • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

        Here’s the thing – the word confrontation implies a sense of conflict, a clashing of wills. The word holds a lot of aggressive undertones, hence it being linked to ‘crazy’. Because a sane person never has unmanageable feelings or fits involving a need to be forthright about their feelings.

        Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate forwardness in others and (usually) hold myself to the same standard… but girl (boy?), if you go at it like that on the regular you’re definitely “that cray fool” in more than a few social circles.

      • Rishtopher

        Well, I didn’t mean to imply any aggressive feelings lol. I just like to say what I mean. I just checked with my friend, and it does seem like you’re right about how people (who aren’t my friends) perceive me. I don’t mind though. Hopefully I’ll meet someone just as “crazy” as I am and we’ll hit it off?

        Oh, and “boy” please :P

    • lizlemonwannabe

      I so wish it wasn’t. I actually think it is a waste of time to be indirect about things. Don’t think it’s confrontational. Just not wasting anyone’s time. And what is wrong with a bit of honesty godamnit???

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    “Don’t Send These Emails Part Two: Employer Who Rejected You”

    The Container Store (yes, I got rejected for a retail position as a sales associate at THE CONTAINER STORE.)

    Dear (manager’s name removed),

    I’m sorry that my college degree and years of retails experience do not qualify me for a position at your store. Having said that, I actually hate all types of containers and was just hoping to work there so I could secretly stock the shelves with books and return the space to the wonderful independent bookstore it once was.

    Books > containers.

    Regards,
    Nichole

  • Lauren

    Haha, I like the Felicity EMail.

  • Anonymous

    “Thanks for getting in touch. I know I said I’d like to hang out again but I changed my mind. Good luck to you.”

    You see what I did there? Took 10 seconds to type. Sac up. Don’t be a coward.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    … unless you’re in NYC, in which case wait three weeks and send a non-committal 2-liner with no subject line to test the waters. Repeat.

    • http://thisisthenewblog.tumblr.com mercedes delusive

      word.

  • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

    Oh god, I’ve totally done the concert tickets thing, but only ONLY when I were already buying tickets, and I have never (the one time I did this) “just scored two tickets”. I bought four, after confirming that all four would be used. And then a friend was a broke student and I sold it to the cute employe guys. (“Sold” = traded for beer & shots) And Gogol Bordello rock, so I totally would have gone anyway.

    • --

      what are you even talking about

      • Guest

        hahahahaahahahahaha

  • Ali

    Ughhhhhh. Just ugh. Been in this position way too many times.

  • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

    worst thing is they feel like such a good idea at the time and keep feeling like a good idea until you realize there won’t be a response. that’s when it starts to fucking blow.

  • Anonymous

    Shame. So much shame. Sent one of those emails – ok fine. It was a follow up OkCupid message –  several days ago.  No response.  Dammit. We were really hitting it off, too! I swear! 

  • http://twitter.com/__Farhan Farhan | Official

    George Constanza email?

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