I Don’t Know Why I Can’t Tell You Any Of This

woman wearing orange tube and black skirt facing terrace
Jakob Owens / Unsplash

I don’t know if it was the way you made me laugh that dragged me in closer to loving you, or if it was the way that I felt safe with you even when you did stupid stuff. I don’t know if it was the way you held me late at night. I don’t know if it was because I knew if I needed someone to talk to you would be there to make me feel better, whether it was coming into my room when you knew I was frustrated or if it was just a simple hug to let me know things were going to be okay even if you knew that things weren’t going to be.

There are a lot of things that I don’t know, but there’s one thing that I really don’t know and it’s why I don’t tell you all of this stuff that I am writing on here to your face. I don’t know why I’m like this and I am sorry. I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you or that I’m not interested in you. I suck I know!

I don’t know if it is because we have so much history that nobody would ever understand it. It freaks me out that I might not have you in my life if things didn’t work out. But most of all I don’t know if you could ever love me the way that I love you.

Maybe someday there will come a time when I tell you all these feelings, but for right now I don’t know when that will be. Just know that I hope there will be a day when I actually do know. I hope that when that day does come you will feel the same way and the timing will be right. TC mark

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