1. No matter how tough we pretend to be, a lot of us are very emotional.
“Even though guys may pretend to be tough a lot of us are very emotional.”
2. We don’t like when you make generalizations about our gender, either.
“Men don’t like being generalized just as much as women. I see it far too often.”
3. We don’t have it easy just because we’re males.
“Just because I am a male doesn’t mean I have it easy…you don’t know my struggles or what I’ve gone through. You can’t make that judgment just because some people have done that to you. I’m not your punching bag for these discussions, if anything you should feel special that I allow you to vent on me.”
4. We don’t have nearly the emotional support network that women do.
“We don’t have your ‘support system’ when we’re feeling sad. We’re dudes, and society expects us to be tough or fake it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
5. It would be nice to receive a compliment every once in a while.
“Men do not receive half as many compliments as women. I have solidly gone a years without a single compliment. I can count all my compliments on my hands. So if I don’t come off as super confident this may be why. But it doesn’t mean I have no confidence and I doesn’t mean I’m a bad guy. Give me a great gal that likes me and I become full if confidence.”
6. We don’t like being body-shamed, either.
“Man here. That saying something about the way you look physically still fucking riles you. It isn’t ok to comment on a girls’ weight so why is it ok to ask the following:
‘Is your hairline receding?’
‘Whoa your arms are so skinny!’
‘God you look so pale!’”
7. We don’t take hints well, so just TELL US WHAT’S WRONG.
“Guys don’t take hints well. Stop beating around the bush and TELL ME WHATS WRONG. And the “you should know” thing is bullshit, every day there is a million things I do wrong, guessing at them is just incriminating myself.
8. We mean exactly what we say.
“99% of the time, when I say something, I mean exactly what I say and no more or less.”
9. We wish you would make the first move sometimes.
“We wish you would make the first move sometime, come say hello instead of staring at me, it isn’t working yet and obviously I’m not brave enough to come say hello.”
10. A nice gesture doesn’t mean we’re trying to fuck you.
“I’m not holding the door for you because I have remotely any interest in you. I’m holding the door for you because I hate it when people let the door swing in -my- face.”
11. When we say we’re thinking about nothing, that’s exactly what we’re thinking about.
“That wanting to be left alone is not a personal slight. Along the same train of thought, when I say I’m thinking about nothing, that isn’t me hiding something nefarious, I really am thinking about nothing. Or if I am thinking something, it’s probably something along the lines of how I would take out a team of mercenaries sent to invade my house. using only items from the kitchen and things I’ve learned from Bruce Willis films.”
12. We can be just as good as you when it comes to raising kids.
“Men are just as efficient at raising children….. I can’t stand when I’m picking up my son my girlfriend constantly tells me to be careful or watch his head! did I forget to mention I have 2 other children from a previous marriage and may have done this before. (this is her 1st child). Trust me ladies men know what to do when it comes to Bbabies that whole time you were laying out what outfit he’s going to wear from the hospital we were googling what not to do.”
13. We can be insecure, too.
“1. We can have feelings.
2. We can want to be desired.
3. We may not feel like having sex on a moment’s notice and it has nothing to do with you.
4. We can be insecure, too.”
14. If we say nothing’s bothering us, you need to quit asking what’s bothering us.
“I’m a guy – when you ask me what’s wrong and I say ‘it’s nothing,’ I actually means that it’s of no importance and isn’t worth bringing up. Don’t keep questioning me about it; I’m not trying to be difficult.”
15. We cannot read your mind.
“That we cannot read your mind, I know that sometimes we men happen to be kinda awesome, but that’s beyond our superpowers.”
16. We need alone time, and it has nothing to do with you.
“I need alone time and I believe its not only healthy for relationships but a god damned must if you want it to last. Spending every waking moment around someone is not romantic. Its obsessive and a great way to turn love into loathing. Have your own hobbies, go out with your friends I don’t mind at all, but let me do the same without hovering over my shoulder because you never figured out what to do with yourself. That’s on you so figure it out.”
17. You shouldn’t get upset when we seek a solution to your problem.
“Men are problem-solvers by design. If you come to me and complain about an issue, the very first place my brain is going to go is how to fix the issue. If you just wanna bitch about the problem, call one of your girlfriends, that’s what they’re there for. But don’t get upset at me for trying to solve the problem. Just let us fix the nail.”
18. You don’t need to be so cruel when rejecting us.
“I’m a guy. It’s very encouraging, and flattering, and arousing when she makes the first move or initiates sex.
Guys get rejected all the time. We get rejected by women to whom we are attracted. We get preemptively rejected by women we are attracted to. We can even get rejected by women we are not attracted to, but who would like to THINK we are.
Rejecting men is turned into a game in women’s magazines, with tips on how to do with it added ‘zing.’ There is no male equivalent for all this sort of treatment. Even in a relationship, there is little guarantee that our advances will be reliably accepted. For many of us, there is a legacy of lifelong rejection that we carry well into our adult lives.
If a woman we’re dating could just go for the hand-hold or the kiss first, or if a woman we’re in a relationship with could just do the old “yawn-and-stretch” on us now and then, or surprise us by walking into the shower once in a while, it would be awesome.
Women, if you feel the moment is right, don’t wait for us – just make the first move, just reach out and touch us, and let us take it from there.”
19. We hurt, too. We want to be told nice things, too.
“I realize this isn’t true for all guys, especially younger ones, but I need to get this out.
We hurt, too. We want to be told nice things, too. We want to feel like we matter, for no reason at all. It’s very easy for us to feel like we’re expendable, like we don’t matter to people, like we’ve been forgotten.
Unfortunately a lot of us are conditioned in certain, unhealthy ways that make it hard. You can’t ask for these things because then if you get them, they’re not genuine. You’d be manipulative if you asked.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t think this is necessary exclusive to men, but it’s a mindset that’s been reinforced for us a lot more.
So you just wait and sometimes you get your hopes up but over time you just grow more and more numb to it. As I watch it happen to me, I’m coming to realize this is what’s happened to a lot of men who are stereotypically seen as archetypical “heartless” adults.
I’m sure they didn’t start out this way. No, they probably just were hurt and hurt and hurt and eventually could only cut off that part of them to keep on living.
The last time someone who wasn’t a relative complimented me was four years ago. Before that, I got a fair share in high school, but I’ve since lost touch with most of my high school friends. Before that was in 2002. I’ve been surprised by someone twice in my life. I was once moved to tears over a cookie because it showed the person was thinking of me.
And hey, I know folks will read comments like this and go “______ you’re great!” and that’s great, but from what I’ve seen and from what I’m now experiencing, when it gets to a certain point, it becomes a lost cause when it does finally happen. I’ve been thanked, told things I’ve done mean so much to people, and it just rolls right off me now.
Don’t give me any compliments or anything – instead, if there’s a guy in your life, think about the last time you did something for them just because. If it’s been more than a week, maybe tell them they look good in that shirt today, or if they do something, be sure to let them know you appreciate it.
This isn’t a girl exclusive thing either. Guys, I know a lot of us are tight knit, but some of us aren’t and we could work on it with each other.
And maybe I feel comfortable saying this because I’ve had more girl friends than guy friends, some of whom I still consider to be like sisters to me to this day, but I think if people were like this more, then I bet there would also be a lot less confusion about whether or not a person is hitting on them or not.
So many of us are just so used to going without any attention that when we get it, it can literally be something you look back on for a decade if you don’t play your cards right.”