12 Women On What They Desire Before, During, And After Sex

Shutterstock / Photographee.eu
Shutterstock / Photographee.eu
Found on AskReddit.


Before: I want your hands all over me. I want to feel how much you want me. I want to know it, not just assume you want to because you’re the guy. I want you to really want me.

During: If we are fucking, I want to be fucked. Hard. I don’t want any tender shit. I want to feel like you are going to break me. I want to feel like every inch of my body wants to cum. I want you to fuck me like a whore.

After: I like to lie there next to you. I like the smell of your skin. I like everything about us in that moment. I will probably also want to eat.”


Before sex, look at me with that hunger. Tell me I’m gorgeous. Take in my body, even the bits I hate, don’t avoid looking at that bit of flab or cellulite or whatever because I might feel self conscious—look at it, and love it, even though it’s not perfect.

During sex, let me know how much you’re enjoying it. Show me with your actions, your expressions, the look in your eyes. Tell me how good something feels, or that you love my ass, or whatever you’re thinking at the time.

Afterward, lie with me. Trace the curves of my body with your fingertips. Tell me it was amazing. Kiss me. Show me that you want me, make me feel like a sexy goddess, not like a hole you happen to put your dick in.”


Before sex: foreplay. Like not crazy foreplay. Simple foreplay. I get super wet giving a blowjob. And if I orgasm from clitoris stimulation, the sex is all the better because of the sensitivity. Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me.

During sex: It’s all about how fun it is. No matter what the situation is, I think having fun while having sex is great. And being vocal is definitely a major plus. There’s nothing better than hearing the man connected to the penis exclaim how much he likes it.

“And after sex; kisses. Shoulders, back, stomach, tits, legs. Whatever. Kisses are compliments.”


Before…Foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay! Can’t stress that enough… You want a girl to cum you better warm her up first. Makes things so much easier.

During…don’t just pump away…sometimes the subtlest of movements literally can make a girl melt…

After…don’t just get up and get ready to go about the rest of your day…do me a favor and just lay there with me for a minute so it doesn’t feel like a hit and run.


Before: I want to be shown not only that I’m wanted, but that I’m cared for and loved. Hold my face as you kiss me, trace the outside of my lip with your thumb, and firmly but gently hold the back of my neck. Sensual and romantic sex isn’t always what I want, but if my boyfriend starts this way (which he usually does) it will almost always end in sex, whichever flavor it might be that day.

During: For me, enough kissing like that will usually get me splooshy enough. Doesn’t matter: don’t stop there with the foreplay. Foreplay is tricky because it depends on what I want that day. Sometimes I like being kissed/bitten on the neck and shoulders. Sometimes I like harder nipple play. Sometimes I want him to pull my hair back and growl that I’m his “little slut” in my ear. But sometimes I want eye contact, longing glances, and deep kisses.…I always want vocal involvement. Every man I have been with has been quiet in bed, except for my current boyfriend. Him showing, vocally that he enjoys being inside me is a huge confidence boost and also super sexy.

After: Tell me you had fun. Give my butt a little pat. Help me find my underwear. Cuddle and smooch me when I get back from the bathroom. Maybe eat some post-coitus food with me in bed.”


Before sex, I thoroughly enjoy being handled with care. Cuddle me, give me a back massage, trace my body with the tips of your fingers like I’m a dainty little princess. Give me soft kisses on the neck and forehead. Put me on a pedestal. Then foreplay happens and I want to be punted right off that aforementioned pedestal and ravaged like a goddamn hungry lion. I love it when my SO becomes VERY dominant at this point. Pull my hair, start to choke me a little bit; he makes me belong to him.

During sex, the dominant feature is what gets me off the most about my SO. He’s been doing this thing lately where when I’m on all fours, he pushes down on the center of my back and makes me arch my back with my face shoved in the pillow, it drives me absolutely crazy.

After sex, I just wanna snuggle, have a bite to eat, and start binge-watching some Netflix.”


Before I have sex, I make sure to tidy up and prepare my vaginal area for what is to come. Basic things first, like scraping off gunky buildup and changing filters, but more involved stuff, too. It makes all the difference. I cut my hedges back a bit, removing any critters and debris as I do. If it’s near a holiday, I’ll channel a little Martha Stewart and trim my public area into a festive shape….Vaginal smell is an issue for me. I can’t really enjoy someone diving into my muff if I’m worried they’ll encounter the dead sea bass odor I’m cursed with on account of my being 1/7 Dutch. So I mix together a solution of peroxide and baking soda and then shoot it up inside myself with a turkey baster….

During sex, I find putting a bag over my head makes a huge difference. A paper one, that is. It’s better for the environment and I won’t pass out like I do with the plastic ones. Why a bag over the head, you ask? Two reasons. One, I’m not very attractive. At all. And it only gets worse as I contort my facial muscles whilst in the throes of coital expression. I go from looking like Jim Carrey in The Mask to just plain looking like Eric Stoltz in Mask. Not easy to maintain an erection when faced with that.

After sex, rather than letting my newfound splooge linger like some salty freeloader, I put it to work. After dressing myself in the shirt I placed nearby in advance, I make my way to the backdoor of my bunghole, pause briefly to check for gators, then crow-hop across my backyard to the garden. There, I squat over my papaya plants and drizzle jizz unto them. I’m told it’s what the Native Americans did on the first Columbus Day. It also happens to be twice as effective as Miracle Gro and makes my papayas taste great, too!”


Before: Take control of the situation. Be firm in your actions—run your hands through my hair, pull me toward you gripping hair at the back of my head. I respond to strength and authority. Be a good kisser (learn what your partner likes). I like passion and withholding/teasing. Kiss me and pull back, let your lips linger over mine, bite my lower lip. Tease me. I love when a man gently plays with my clit over my panties, firmly but not too hard strokes up and down (where it counts) to get me wet….

During: Start by slowly entering me—I particularly love it when a man is vocal at this point like it is so good and he wants to go slow and savor that part. Painfully slow in and out for the first few strokes….Slowly thrust all the way in and stay there, applying pressure to my clit area with your pelvis (this position essentially allows great clit access in missionary). Pull out slowly and repeat, holding for shorter and longer periods of time, then ultimately speeding up. I thrust my hips up toward the ceiling and down toward the bottom of the bed (onto your cock)….If we aren’t going to come at the same time (the ultimate goal) then I want my partner to really slow down and focus on my orgasm, and tell me how he loves feeling it on his cock.

“Be sweet, kind. Offer me a towel if I need one. Trace your fingers lightly up and down my arm. Communicate—the worst thing guys do after sex is clam up and not talk, stare at the ceiling, and then either fall asleep or take off.”


“For me before sex it’s how it’s initiated. Like don’t try to start something if I’m in the middle of doing the dishes or doing laundry; it makes me more agitated than anything.

“Then during I would say give as much as you take. I hate it when I feel like it’s not a balance of both people getting pleasure and it’s so annoying when it feels like they just want pleasure for themselves.

“And then afterward I prefer cuddling. Don’t just get up like it’s no big deal but spend time just being with the person.”


Before: If you don’t live together, send her texts throughout the day. Let it build up. If you live together, do the same thing but in person—kiss her on the neck while she’s making her coffee. Tell her you can’t wait until you’re home together again. That sort of thing.

During: Pay attention to every part of her. Be thorough. And again, go slow. And go hard in the paint with that tongue game. But most importantly, show an active interest and receptiveness to her desires, and I cannot stress this enough—know what they are. Then take the time to realize them.

After: Show your affection. This doesn’t necessarily have to be cuddling—if she came really hard, she may not be all that interested, honestly. But definitely don’t just run off. Talk to her, kiss her, cuddle her (if she wants to). Show that you appreciate her as a complete human being. That is sexy as fuck.”


Before: Sexual tension….An instant turnoff is baby talk, complaining about life, whining, any expression of boredom in life. Make sure all that ends way before sex.

During: The number-one turn-on for me is lack of inhibition. This doesn’t mean doing a million positions under the sun, it means being able to enjoy vanilla sex with abandon and appreciation. Being comfortable with yourself in your own skin, and with me.

After: Don’t be an asshole. Cuddle me at least a little, unless I feel like I need some space. In that case, simply reaching out your hand to touch me in some way is nice. Tell me how good it was (if it was). Tell me how much you love my ass/pussy/way I moan/ feet…whatever. Give me a small genuine compliment.”


Before, if we’re just chilling, hold me and sorta be lovey and kiss me and tell me how much he loves me. And then start to sorta touch my hip bones and trace them and I’ll usually turn around at that point and if were on the couch he’ll start taking my pants off….

During, I tend to move a lot and grab onto things, but he’ll hold me in one spot and make sure I don’t get out;) He’s rough, but in a good way, he pulls my hair and holds me down but the way he does it and whispers to me to cum for him one more time…

“Then after, he’s like, ‘No, you’re not done,’ pulls me to the bottom of the bed where he’s standing and goes down on me for a while and just mmmm.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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