I’ve Been Treated Like Shit. Do Not Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit.

To the girl that wrote the article encouraging girls to find someone who doesn’t see their worth:

I am the girl who has been treated like shit.

I’m the girl who believes in ‘girl power’ and standing up for what we believe in, but I have had also been the girl who backed down from all of that, because I was with a guy that didn’t believe in any of it.

I’m the girl who was gaslit by her own boyfriend that told her he loved her every night before she went home. I’ve been this girl in most of my relationships. I understand that your article may be metaphorical.

But you need to understand that it’s a little gut wrenching to see girls being encouraged to find someone who doesn’t see how beautiful they are and how wonderful their soul is just for the fact that after you get through potentially life altering abuse it’s ‘liberating.’

I understand where you are coming from. I really do. I just wouldn’t advise being with someone who sees you as anything less than spectacular. Most of my serious relationships have been toxic. I’ve been slapped and pushed around but it was the emotional abuse that really took a toll on me. It can takes years for someone to recover their self-esteem after being told over and over again they aren’t good enough. Some people don’t recover at all and this cycle goes on and on and on. So, how about putting a spin on things?

Let’s try this.

Look for the red flags. Anyone that’s been in an unhealthy relationship knows these, and probably has their own. The first time you meet someone, pay attention to them. I don’t care if he has tan skin and blue eyes as clear as the water in the caribbean. Be open to anything, and question everything. If he says something you don’t like or looks at you in a way that makes you second guess, leave. Better yet, spend some time alone. Take a year to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself how hot you look and go out with your girlfriends. Ignore the guys that try to buy your drinks, and buy your own. Learn to zip up your dress all the way, and if you like the way your hair looks or the outfit you just bought, take a picture of yourself and post it. When you finally do meet someone, don’t stick around if they call you a bitch.

Because FYI, you can find someone who won’t call you a bitch when you get into an argument.

Walk away from the guy who is always saying “I literally just paid for our fucking dinner last week, and you can’t do this for me?” Walk away from the guy who is always reminding you what you owe him.

Because honestly, you don’t owe him a damn thing.

Don’t get involved with the guy who talks with his head high, but holds his low. He doesn’t see his worth, you can’t fix him, and he definitely will not see yours.

Meet someone who never makes you question their intentions, and take any moment they have to let you know how pretty you are. Meet someone who will hold you for 3 hours if you cry for no reason and someone who doesn’t call you insensitive if they make an asinine joke at your expense. Be with someone who sends you flowers and takes you to dinners and follows through with everything they say they’re going to do. Meet someone who calls you before their phone dies, just to let you know they’re on their way home and lets you know when they get there. Be with someone who says they will be at your house at 8:30, and gets there at 8:25. Find someone who leaves notes on your car at work and picks up your little sister from soccer practice if your parents aren’t able too. Be with someone that will hold your hand in public and offer you the only open seat at the bar before taking it himself. Be with someone who offers to give you anything, but asks for nothing.

Be with someone that never makes you question if you’re good enough.

Be with someone who loves you. Because no matter how ‘liberating’ it is, you were always worth more than that, and I hope you don’t have to go through anything I did to realize that. I hope you know it from the start.