When you don’t respond to a text for hours, you’ve sent a simple message – you’ve prioritized your power and ego over waiting. After all, who likes to be anxious? Because being anxious means you care enough to wonder what happens next.
When you turn up to a date late, drunk and ambivalent, you’ve sent a simple message – you’ve attempted to mitigate your risk. I can’t really get to know you now, even though I wanted to. I’m annoyed because it’s a turbulent start to our relationship.
When you weave in stories about your previous flings, exes or ‘friends’ during our conversation, you’ve sent a simple message – you want me to know nothing is new because you’ve done it all before.
When you cancel or make plans that intrude on our time, you’ve sent a simple message – you’re not completely invested in this yet. Maybe you will be at some point, but you’re not sure when. After all, there’s plenty of other things to do in this world.
When you gloat about your status, how important your job is and the things you own, you’ve sent a simple message – you value material success over true desire. When I know what you want rather than what you already have, it’s easier to look for it together.
Relationships are like plants. In the beginning, they’re hypersensitive to the elements, fragile and full of opportunity. A good dose of vigilance and energy is required to allow them to flourish into something enduring. Modern dating may be a minefield, but you can skip the bullshit because it’s actually really simple.
You get out, what you put in.