She is your partner in crime. She’s always there for you and now she’s a wreck. Here are just a few thoughts that go through every girl’s mind when her best friend is brokenhearted:
1. Where is the idiot?
Seriously, what guy would be dumb enough to break her heart? She’s hot, she’s smart, she’s hilarious. Need I go on? Hell I would date her. I wonder which sidewalk he cracked his head on. Idiot.
2. I hope I have time to stop at the store.
Alcohol. Ice cream. Alcohol. Chili fries. Alcohol. Chocolate. We need it all. The remedy for any breakup is junk food and a comfy bed. I already have Pretty Woman and Coyote Ugly on DVD. Bring on the recovery!
3. Who can I recruit to help get rid of the body?
As I mentioned before: this guy is an idiot. If he thinks he’s too good for her then I think he’s too good to breathe. It’s my responsibility to take care of him. I might make it quick if I’m in a good mood. Then again he made my best friend cry…so who’s going to help me throw him in a dark hole?
4. Is there any new trouble we can get into?
We’ve gone to the parties. We’ve gotten the piercings. We’ve dyed the hair. What anti-permanent trouble can we get ourselves into this time? Distractions are necessary after a breakup. But an arrest probably won’t make her feel better.
5. How far can my next paycheck get us?
This is my best friend whose heart is broken. She doesn’t want the same routine; she doesn’t want to do all the same things she did when she was with him. I would spend any amount of money to make her feel better. I don’t think we can make it to Vegas. Maybe D.C. for the night.
6. Don’t seem too happy.
I know this kind of sucks but it’s true. I don’t want to seem too happy with my life because I know deep down it will make her feel bad. And then she’ll beat herself up for being upset at my happiness. She doesn’t need that. Gilmore Girls taught me to never be a Nevina Cutler. Uh uh.
7. Whose life sucks more than hers?
Someone we know has to be going through something worse than her. It is my responsibility to find out who that person is and remind her that her problems are nothing in comparison. Their life actually does suck.
8. What excuse have I not already used on my boss?
At some point we are both going to play hooky from work. It’s inevitable. We are either going on a road trip or spending the day in bed only making contact with the takeout deliveryman. Either way I have to tell my boss something. If I tell her I have Ebola I bet I could get the whole week off!
9. I am never having children.
As her best friend, I am basically going to spend the next few weeks doting on her as I would a child. Now, this is willingly of course. She is my number one. But once we are out of the danger zone and well into recovery I realize how exhausted I am. So this is what having children is like? Nope. Sorry mom.
10. I am so lucky to have her.
She feels pretty bad about herself. She is under the illusion that she wasn’t good enough. As I am building her back up and reminding her of all her great qualities, I am also reminding myself of how amazing she is. She really is the best person I know and helping her rediscover that helps me appreciate her more. I’m so damn lucky.