Love can never be defined by a single romance, by a single couple, or even by a single individual. It’s different for everyone. We all love in our own way. And what if you find someone that you absolutely love, and who loves you back, but because you love in different ways, the two of you just can’t get it right? Your way of loving doesn’t equate with his, which leaves you feeling doubtful, uncertain, and sometimes, lonely. No one else seems to understand your relationship, but at the end of the day, you still know that this person means more to you than anything else in the world—that your life would be empty without them by your side. Is it possible to just accept that this person loves you?
I sat in my chair on a Sunday night. Browsing Facebook for no particular reason like anyone with a Smartphone is completely addicted to doing. My boyfriend and I had a fight, and instead of talking it out face to face, we reverted to electronically messaging each other novel-like sessions of how we were feeling and where to go from there. The fight that had carried on for months finally hit the brick wall. Two people existing in different relationship worlds, trying to figure out how to stay together when nothing else seemed to fit.
As I stalked his Facebook page, wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking of me, and killing myself over a million other what-if thoughts, I felt the bullet. Our “relationship” status disappeared. According to Facebook, we were no longer together. Did I miss something? Was there an email, a text, a phone call that I didn’t see? No.
Thank you, Facebook. Without you, I would never have learned I was single. I probably would have went on with my life, pretending that our relationship silence was just the “space” he needed. Giving “us” the benefit of the doubt while patiently waiting until he was ready to communicate. Instead, I experienced the reality. The sudden shock. The disbelief in the indecency.
Was this how Carrie Bradshaw felt when she read her post-it note break up letter, “I’m sorry, I can’t. Don’t hate me?” Pain. Humiliation. Awe. A post-it note would have almost been better? At least he handwrote it. I got nothing. No words. Just a simple click of a mouse and our relationship was completely erased.
It’s funny how you think you know someone. This amazing person you have shared your life with. This person you would do anything for. This person who told you that you’d be his girl forever. You eat these words up and never imagine it could completely fall apart. How does happiness turn to tears in just the blink of an eye? How does best friend turn into total stranger?
In one moment, you realize you spent all these years of your life with someone who could so easily throw it all away with the click of a button.
Fuck you too.