Happiness is not always something that’s come easily to me, and the past few months have challenged me like no other. I’ve loved and I’ve lost, my confidence levels evaporated into thin air, and I truly forgot who I was as a person.
I was single for the first time since my early teens, my acne was the worst it’s ever been, my job was driving me into the ground, and sometimes I just felt really, really lonely. I had absolutely no motivation for anything, and my weekends would consist mainly of staying at home and sleeping the hours away. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was depressed, but everything seemed to hit me all at once, and I simply didn’t know how to deal with it.
I started to feel like I was drowning, and wasn’t sure I’d be able to find a way out.
Was this version of me the person I was going to be forever? I really hoped not, because I didn’t like her at all; she was weak and ever so fragile, but I’d forgotten how to be anything else.
I would lay in bed night after night, and wake up every single morning, wondering, “when will happiness finally find me?” And then be immensely disappointed when I realized I still felt the same familiar sad, dragging feeling I’d become all too accustomed to.
But I’ve recently come to realize that so many of us, myself included, just sit and impatiently wait for happiness to hit us in the face without having to try, as if the universe simply owes it to us.
But truthfully, happiness isn’t a destination; it’s not somewhere to arrive. It’s a state of mind, a decision we make. We spend so much time fantasizing about what happiness for us would look like, but don’t make the most of our current situations. Happiness can’t be found in a new job, a new city, or even a new relationship. More than anything else, happiness depends on the overall attitude you decide to bring to life.
If you’re constantly focusing on the negatives – your failures, your short-comings, your mistakes – you will never be satisfied.
Go easy on yourself, because you’re pretty bloody amazing. Christ, we all are. Cut yourself some slack every so often. Things might not be perfect right now, but remember that the concept of growth is the very purpose of our existence. We all go through our own personal journeys, and there will be highs as well as an awful lot of lows. But how you deal with the lows is what will make all the difference. It’s most likely that you’re not exactly where you want to be, but don’t give up.
Life can be fucking hard, and you’ll be kicked to the curb a fair few times. But keep fighting your battles, because I promise that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever is affecting you now will seem far less significant in six months or a year’s time, and won’t hurt anywhere near as much as it does now. Take comfort in that fact and keep pushing forward, because honey, you’re strong, and these experiences will mold you in to the person you’re supposed to be.
The only thing standing in the way is yourself. Happiness is a choice, so you better start choosing.