Last night I sat and talked with my roommate about my latest sexual encounter with a guy I had been into for the past 6 months. It had taken 6 grueling months of texting, occasional dating, snap chats, cyber stalking and daydreaming for me to finally conquer this guy.
We had come back form a party we locked ourselves up in my room, ripped off our clothes and were all over each other within seconds. Although alcohol and a frat party were involved, in my mind it was perfect and I replayed the drunken fuck fest in my head an unnatural amount of times. The deed had been done and it was done well.
My big mouth wouldn’t shut up about the whole affair until suddenly my roommate chimed in and said “WHO GIVES A FUCK, HE’S AN ASSHOLE.”
My guy? An asshole? Wait, what?
Suddenly I had an epiphany, the guy I liked was an asshole who had played hard to get for 6 months, slept with me, scurried away after a few hours of cuddling at 5:30am and walked of shamed his way over to where ever he was staying.
Another asshole down in the books of my sad excuse of a love life. He isn’t the first asshole, and he probably won’t be the last. My roommate was right, why was I constantly falling for guys who were assholes?
After a few days of self-reflection I realized the answer is quite simple. It’s because I too am an asshole or better yet, a bitch. If you asked people about me I’m sure 90% of them would say something along the lines of me being one of the sweetest and selfless girls they know. I might as well be a young modern Latina version of Mother Teresa in the flesh. This is true and I go out of my way to help those in need and show people who much I care about them, however, deep down inside I’m a sarcastic, sassy, bossy, asshole bitch lady who tells it like it is no matter what.
Going for a nice guy would simply be a living hell for me. How would a nice guy handle my natural asshole self? I would break his heart and shatter it, just like I’ve done to the nice guys I’ve tried to date. I can dish it out so I need a man who can take it, a man who can put me in my place and shut me up, a rare talent that so far my mother can only accomplish.
It has taken me a while, but I am officially embracing my asshole self and although my latest asshole love interest scurried away during the wee hours of the morning I still want him and I’m waiting for round two.