Whether it’s single girl seeking eligible bachelor, man seeking woman, or any of the possible combinations, there are definable traits that make a person attractive, wherever you land on the sexual spectrum. Small changes in the way you behave and hold yourself can do wonders for your soul-mate magnetism.
1. Be kind to everyone.
That doesn’t mean drop your wit or your sarcasm, if that’s your thing, but being a cruel snob is not attractive. Even the people that act like jerks don’t act like that when they’re alone with their significant others. If they did, they’d be dropped like the beat in a Monica song (or Simon Curtis, depending on your generation).
2. Be working towards a goal.
Whether it’s working for a promotion, studying to further your education, training for a marathon, or anything else that requires actual commitment, it’s sexy. Maybe it indicates responsibility. Maybe it makes you seem like you have higher standards. Then again, maybe it’s just attractive to care about more than “why didn’t you call me back?”
3. Have fun.
Don’t be that girl that sits at the bar with her arms crossed, rolling her eyes at every guy that strikes up a conversation. Don’t be the guy that always declines an invitation out. That does not mean be a wasted, incessant mess every night, because that’s a whole different kind of unattractive, but let yourself laugh in a group setting every now and then. Be goofy if you feel it in the moment. No one wants to date Frosty the Snowman.
4. Learn how to have a conversation.
You may have a sarcastic, witty streak in you. That’s great – people love banter. But know when to turn it off. Too much causticity is exhausting. Likewise, pay attention to people when they speak. Don’t be so stuck inside your own head that you’re oblivious to conversational innuendos. Don’t act dumber than you are.
5. Have good hygiene.
This doesn’t mean dress up all the time. But clean your fingernails, brush your teeth, take a shower, and wash your clothes. Don’t wear wrinkled shirts with holes in them, unless you’re doing something that requires such attire, like painting a barn. Being dirty (in the literal sense, that is) is not going to increase your attractiveness.
6. Laugh at your own mistakes and faults, within reason.
“Within reason” means have perspective – don’t laugh about the fact that you accidentally hit someone with your car. But do laugh about forgetting to button a button on your shirt, or getting tongue-tied during a presentation. If you act overly ashamed, your friends may comfort you, but your prospective romantic interest may just be embarrassed for you.
7. Do not be jealous.
Jealousy indicates neediness, which makes other people feel superior to you, which they should not. Do not let anyone be better than you – allow them to be equal. “Oh, there were girls at that party tonight? That’s nice. How was dinner the other night with your brother?” Be cool, dude.
8. Be yourself, and be happy with whoever that is.
People are attracted to happy people. If you haven’t gotten the gist yet, these tips aren’t just for making yourself attractive to other people. They’re also for making you like yourself, which is of course the whole secret. It’s a tough thing to do, and it requires hard work, but once you learn to love the person you are, you will find that other people start to love you as well. Relationships break because people are unable to address their own insecurities, and that comes out as frustration.
Molding into your own version of likable and loyal may take time, but have heart. If you’re trying to do it, you’re a step ahead of everyone else who hasn’t yet realized that’s where they need to be. You’re also not alone in the search for oneself. Don’t average the voices inside your head – listen to them all. Do not isolate yourself.
You may hate the things you’re supposed to like (for example, you’re a girl who hates fashion and loves the intricacies of graphic novels, or vice versa if all your friends are into graphic novels), but so be it. Embrace that. If people make you feel like crap for it, screw them. That type of person is likely a douchebag and would make you unhappy in the end anyways, so better to be rid of them early. As a wise presidential adviser once said, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”