It has almost been a year and it still hurts.
It’s not the aching hurt that went on for months, no. But it is enough to make me lose focus for a few moments of my day.
It’s the beginning of a certain song that takes me back. It’s the stranger I pass who was wearing the cologne you once wore. It’s the curiosity killing the cat every single time I creep on social media and see you with someone that is not me.
I don’t remember a life that made sense with you in it. Looking at everything now (logically), I am not sure how we managed to maintain the relationship we did for as long as we did.
We were, and are, two very different people.
Yet, for whatever reason, we held onto a relationship for dear life that was set for failure from the beginning.
And I applaud us for trying. I applaud you for trying to be someone that you thought measured up to my expectations. Bravo, sir.
The bitterness of our failed relationship subsided not too long ago, even though your sadness never did exist. I think it is safe to say that I carried enough hurt for the both of us.
Regardless, I can now see why we did not work, and why your new love is far more passionate than ours ever was and ever could be.
You have found someone who is just like you – in every aspect. A genuine, honest connection with another human being who wants the same things out of life as you. And I understand how amazing that feeling is – and it will forever surpass the love that we shared. I have realized it is so, so important to find someone who shares similar goals and to spend your time with someone who is like-minded. Surrounding yourself with someone who is consistently on the same page as you allows a life filled without judgment, and unconditional patience and care.
I have accepted the fact that we were lessons to be learned. We opened up different parts of one another that we did not know existed, and exposed our ugliest, yet truest parts unapologetically. We loved each other, and I truly believe that. But we were stepping stones for one another, helping each other get to the next chapter of our lives that no longer coexisted. We shared a very small portion of our lives together, and our fleeting moments will be ones that resonate in my heart forever.
Life does not go according to the way we planned, regardless of how well we have mapped out our journey. I never thought I would be able to wake up in a world where you no longer were by my side, but here I am, living without you.
And for the first time, in a long time, that is okay.