For a really long time, I was under the impression that it was normal to try and change the person you love.
See, there would be so many things that I loved about someone …but then there were other things that I did not care for. Things that I did not want from a partner, so naturally, I thought they should no longer do them. Wrong.
I’ve learned that when someone shows you their true colors, you need to believe what they are showing you, accept it, and either move forward or move on.
When someone says they don’t believe in marriage or having kids (but you believe in both), understand that this person may have many qualities that you love, but you are both on different pages. It is not your mission to try and sway their perspective.
When someone hurts you physically, mentally and/or emotionally, you have to understand that this is who they are. They can swear up and down that they will change, that they would never hurt you again, but actions always speak louder than words. It is not your job to stay with someone because of the potential they have or the person they could be. Recognize who they are in that exact moment and accept the fact that this is their character.
It wasn’t until recently that I had this epiphany of sorts: be with someone you do not want to change.
Why? Because I have stumbled upon another human being that I do not want to change in any way, shape, or form, simply because I genuinely adore everything that he is and everything that he stands for.
We want the same things. We are passionate about health and fitness. We are family-oriented, both wanting marriage and kids in the future. We have the same mannerisms. We have the same morals. We laugh at the stupid stuff. We can be silly in once instance, and then serious the next. Fundamentally, we are on the same page about the stuff that is important to us.
And because of that, we just work. It doesn’t take much effort. It’s care-free, easy, and genuine. For the first time, I am not trying to mold someone into this image I have in my head. Instead, I am accepting him for everything that he is in this current moment in time and loving every minute of it.
His little quirks that he gets embarrassed over have become my favorite parts of him. I don’t want him to ever be someone he isn’t just to make me happy. I want him in every form: happy, sad, cheerful, mad, etc., without apologies.
I am not saying this is the person I will end up with in the end. But I am saying that this person brings out a healthier version of myself and represents a relationship I am proud to be a part of.
You need to be with someone who makes your life easier, not harder. You need someone who you can laugh with, cry with, and do everything with.
You need someone who you don’t want to change, simply because who they are is more than enough.