1. Wearing jeans/cargo shorts
Please, enlighten me how this is comfortable for anyone. I’m sure that jean material is rubbing you the wrong way in some inappropriate places, and quite frankly, it is hurting my eyes to look at. I’m dying over here in my shorts and you have swamp ass in denim. Yikes.
2. Doing homework/reading a book
If you can hop on a cardio machine and successfully read/do homework, I am concerned. I’m all for reading a good book and being successful in school, but there is a time and place for that—the gym is not one of them.
3. Leaving their hair down
WHY!? HOW!? Your hair is sticking to your face/back and I’m vomiting. Throw those locks up in a pony or a bun, please.
4. Rockin’ push-up bras
Yeah, if you could not do that, that would be great. We get it—you have some big boobies…but you should be wearing a sports bra.
5. Sporting male spandex
I’m a lover for spandex of all sorts but when I can actively depict your penis shape, it’s a no-go. Throw some shorts over that bad boy.
6. Wearing Jesus sandals
Well, in my opinion, these should never be worn. But at the gym…COME ON!!!! Socks and sneaks, for lord’s sake.
7. Not using deodorant
If you can afford a gym membership, my God, you can afford some deodorant. You smell like complete asshole and you’re tainting every exercise machine you use.
8. Taking a shit in the locker room
Okay, I get it. We all have to poop and pee. But if you’re going to take a massive dump that is going to wipe out my senses for the next week, take your shit elsewhere…PLEASE.
9. Grunting while working out
Yes, I see you attempting weight that is too much for you to handle, but the noises coming out of your mouth sound like mating calls and no one is flocking to your side. Lower the weight and lower your moaning.
10. Flexing in the mirror
Everyone should be proud of his or her gains in the gym, but if you are checking yourself out more than the people in the gym are, there is an issue. Your triceps did not magically grow after one set…you can stop looking.
11. Staring at people (especially when there are mirrors)
The gym is a great place to meet someone and I’ll be the first one to admit that. But if you are giving me murder eyes 40 feet away, chances are, I’m feeling uncomfortable. A simple “hello” will do the trick.
12. Wiping your face with your gym towel
Maybe it’s because I hate germs, but if you are putting a towel on exercise machines (THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE USED) and then decide to wipe your face with it, you are spreading germs all over your face. That guy’s ass sweat is now all over your precious face. Think about it, please.
13. Being creepy at the gym
I know I said the gym is a good place to meet people, but don’t be fucking weird. Just because we somehow made eye contact in the gym doesn’t mean I want to jump your bones. Don’t approach me and use a cheesy pick up line (that will not work) because now I’m feeling weird and I will avoid going to the gym at that time forever.